The Others - Who the what now??

The Others is a great example of real horror movie. It doesn't need gore and it doesn't need violence, it just needs the atmosphere. The Others is creepier than creep from the creepshow in creepy town.

It sets itself up in a Mansion house. Always cold and creepy. Plus it comes up with an excuse for the said mansion house to usually have the curtains drawn and only candle light to break the gloom. Creepy. And that is basically it. I don't think there is any music in this film or if there is it is very infrequent. All it does it use the cold setting, long silences and some loud footsteps and creaky floorboards. But it's better than my description could ever make it and the few actors on show are very very good at what they have to do. A fantastic story from start to finish.

Clifhanger - The comeback king

This was definitely an improvement in the Stallone bankability for me. After giving me some legendary cinema (well video at least) in the early Eighties he had started to turn out some right tosh. Was probably feeling the pressure from Arnie and Willis as a threat to his throne and let's face it, he doesn't deal with that well. Still no excuses for turning out tripe like Oscar and Stop! or my Mom will shoot though. I mean Lock Up and Rocky V were not a sign to give up the genre just re establish yourself. Still, with Cliffhanger he made one of the best movies of its type for the decade and got started to climb back to the top. Hardehar.

Directed by Renny Harlin in his purple patch and carrying some good support in John Lithgow and Michael Rooker, Cliffhanger entertains from start to finish. It's got the easy set up, Sly involved in the death of a mates girlfriend, chucks in job and friends, then comes back, tense atmosphere but luckily a dramatic situation gets them to all pull together. Of course as this is Harlin, by dramatic I mean well OTT. A plane heist, a plane crash and a mountain rescue kick ass adventure. But it's all about the set pieces with Renny and the ones on show here do not disappoint. The plane heist is superb and the red copter still stands out as one of the best copter scenes in the movies. Before this I'm sure we had to do with helicopters disappearing before an inevitable explosion. Hell, we had to wait for The Matrix to better it.

So, if you're ready for Renny's corny dialogue and camp villains on the basis of all the great violence you're gonna get then you're ready for Cliffhanger. Hell, you'll even be ready to accept Eastenders Dan as the nasty English Hardman.

Fantastic 4 : Rise of the Silver Surfer - Actually, a docudrama about 70s on the web would have been more fun to watch

Every so often a Superhero movie comes out that redefines the genre, or maybe just places the genre within a different genre there buy not given us a new genre but merely an adaptation of the existing genre or maybe of the other genre. Either way, it usually makes you sit back and go 'WOW!' Like the original Tim Burton Batman with all it's Gothic imagery and dark characterisation, adult themes and lack of spandex. Of course, with great success comes great irresponsibility, and in the movie world that means shovelling numerous inferior sequels and imitations down the throats of your insatiable shallow audiences until even they throw up on the putrid excess and lack of substance that you have dragged from the pit of poor comic pulp. Yes, Comics (or Graphic Novels if you think it affects your sex life (I don't think it will make a blind bit of difference but may affect your standing in Starbucks I suppose)) like books can have bad stories too. And we don't really need to have a 2 hour movie made from the expanded issue 412 of Spiderman, in which Peter Parker had met Doctor Octopus who had come across The Hulk earlier in the day and had happened to mention that he saw Thor in a cafe talking to Mr Metamorphoses who had said he was going into town that afternoon. Hmmmm, what mysterious adventure was he going to have??? Maybe we could make a film about it.

I guess what I mean is that for Every Batman and Batman Returns, we get Batman Forever and Batman And Robin (mind you even that can entertain more than this) oh and Ghostrider too. Booooooooo!

So there you are. The Fantastic Four sequel is shite. Now that maybe not a great revelation to many of you as you probably thought the first one was too. But I kind of liked it. As for the sequel though, it's shite. Chris Evans is annoying and shite. The welsh bloke (insert phlegm name here) is irritatingly annoying and shite. The Thing is soo annoying and shite.(Did this man star in one of the finest dramas on TV??? Lets hope he doesn't go down the Nic Cage route of wasted talent cash whore) and Jessica Alba is sickly sweet and annoying and shite, and I don't care how attractive she may be 'cos I own Into the Blue. The only saving grace is The Silver Surfer himself who is kinda cool, but even he cant save this from feeling like A big budget humourless remake of Star Trek IV. And such comparisons should never have to be made.

In fact this is so Shite that I expect a second sequel is already in production.

Orphan - If you weren't trying to cash in on a superior Spanish movie with the title then I forgive you for that....

....but, oh for the love of God! ( A term I shall be using more often as I have been watching The Tudors too much) what were you aiming for? the small number of people who will never have seen this kind of by the numbers affair before.

The film starts with an unnecessarily cold, bloody and shallow beginning, very reminiscent of The Fly II for me. Not a great recommendation and not exactly dragging me in for the post intro fare to come. Ironically the rest of the film doesn't really follow along the lines of the opening gore, preferring in this instance to follow along the psychological horror route albeit with the finesse of J-Horror westernised remake directed by Uwe Boll....on an off day.

So what we have is a recovering alcoholic (not to be believed), who appears to have accidentally almost nearly killed a family member (Definitely not to trusted), a young son who will hate everything immediately (you're so gonna get it), a deaf/mute daughter (see lots of evil, say no evil then) and a an Orphan girl to be adopted into said family (Will be European in American movie to sound more menacing and wear freaky old style clothes to heighten menacing appearance).

And that's what it is. A cliched affair with all the obvious scares laid out by the ordinance survey before they strike, with only the ending being a true surprise as you may not have quite figured it out and even if you did it's a little ickie. I don't like to criticise too much as many horror films are cliched affairs, it's just this one seems to take itself so seriously and really thinks that it's great. Esther, the orphan in question, is definitely scary though, so give it a go and you might get a few jumps. Providing you've never seen a horror movie before that is.

Edtv - 57 channels and there's got to be something on

So I can't sleep. Get up, and browse the internet and switch on the TV. Watch a bit of the winter Olympics on BBC and then when that finishes, up pops the Ceefax selection of pages and the killer background music. How can this still exist??? What purpose does this TXT system now serve and is the facility not due to disappear when the analogue signal switches off??? In the time of HD satellite, 1000's of channels, 50 inch plasma TV's, Big Brother ,press the red button now interactivity, feesat, freeview, dancing on ice, digital switchover, Internet downloads, torrentTV, Justin TV, get me out of here and iPlayer who is interested in this. Everyone has the Internet, and if they don't then I'm damn sure they don't feel the need for a slow information digest like this. In fact they probably don't want to know anything

This ran for an hour this morning. If you want to go off air, then go off air. I think I'd rather look at this at least it might stimulate somekind of emotion. Fear maybe. Mental!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Butterfly Effect - Flap wings, Earthquake, Japan and all that shit

Love this movie. Gets a bit of a bum ride from some corners but if you take it at face value then it's simple entertainment. An easy suspense/thriller/scifi movie that can be watched at anytime. You get comedy, drama, excitement all rolled into what is effectively a very light story. Okay, so the abuse undertones may or probably did put a few off, but it's no more than a tool to move the story along and is not lingered on or even shoved under your nose as it's not what the film is about. Time travel is the theme as the title should have indicated to you and you don't mess with that mother, trust me. Kutcher plays the lead role well (he just lightens the movie) and the supporting cast are just as worthy. And the soundtrack is superb.

A bit like Frequency, the Dennis Quaid movie in style and content for me. But at least that movie didn't spawn 2 lesser sequels. Okay I've not seen them both but Internet debate is not encouraging me to rush out and do so. I caught the start of the first sequel and even Erica Durance couldn't keep me watching. I'm informed that the third movie is better (than the second), but that's what people say about the Starship Troopers sequels. Well being better than a complete Turd is not exactly raising the bar.

Oh and a word of advice. There is a Directors cut of this film that has a different ending. Don't watch it, or at least not first. The Theatrical ending is just better. Hollywood got it right for once.

Pontypool - I wouldn't believe your wireless radio

So onto the zombie drama that is and isn't. I really liked this film. Very little happens outside the environment of one room and the involvement of a handful of characters, but it is done really really well. To a level that keeps the viewer engrossed. The clever (I always say clever. I just mean decent, engaging, well lit, not just point and shoot) camera work, the solid acting and the flowing story always had me on edge to what was coming next. The idea of how the zombie virus is spread is where the story will create debate and give the film a longevity (not me I thought it was bonkers :) but this is still a solid little movie performance regardless.

I enjoyed this much more than Paranormal Activity. Are they similar?? Well to me they are as there are very few characters, very little really happens and the trailers would have pulled in some very disappointed viewers. But I love zombie movies in all shapes and sizes so this wins out. Trailer, trailer trailer......

Dark City - We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.....

Dark City is a strange one. Good film, Intelligent script and original Ideas (at least to me), but still difficult to pin down. Therefore 'Period Scifi' is the label I shall give it.

The story focuses on a group of aliens who are on earth to study Human reaction. To do this they constantly change the environment and situations using a skill they call 'Tuning'. The Aliens themselves are pretty good Richard O'Brienesq (as he is one) looking creatures. Although when they are all together in the same room, they do appear to be a cross between Hellraisers Cenobites and Toy Story's Green Aliens. 'Tear my soul apart OOOOOHHHH!'

The setting is very sterile and grim to look at and kind of reminded me of a less colourful Dick Tracey. At the time it's look reminded me of The Matrix in that I was thinking that that film did it better or even looked better, so was interesting to read afterwards that the same sets may have been used in places. And where as in the Matrix we have Neo as the link between cultures, in this film we have "John". More indication then that this film didn't quite have the budget let alone the Kung Fu of that film.

All in all, a clever film, for fans of Blade Runner, Brazil, Matrix, Meaning of Life, City of Lost Children, Time Bandits (it's really just the way the buildings change that is making me quote Gilliam/Monty Python movies)

Valentine's Day - Our survey says.......

I'm not going to watch this movie. Not even if you pay me. Looking at the list of cast names on the movie poster doesn't really fill me anticipation, and is only worsened as I look upon the name of Julia Roberts. Never got that one in the hot actress stakes. And don't bring up her legs in Pretty woman poster as they weren't even hers. If I must go for a Hollywood Bitch of the time the give me Demi Moore anyday.

I've seen this movie poster everywhere and much as I'm sure that I'm not the target audience I am still not sure who really is. Above the title of the movie sits the line 'From the director of Pretty woman'. What!!!!!!????? How relevant is that to anyone? What is this telling us? Put on your best deep American movie trailer voice and read.

1) The director has not made a film of any worth for 20 years.

2)The director hasn't made a decent film for 20 years and there is a good chance this will be shit
too.

3) The film that 40 something woman have been waiting a generation for to fill the empty void in their lives

4)If you spent the past 20 years believing that there could never be a film as powerful and moving as Pretty Woman and so refused to watch any then this is the film for you.

5)Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the sea (cinema)

Okay, so I was never going to watch this regardless of any presentation or advertising but it just bugs me. Surely the biggest spending element is in the 20/30 bracket and this means nothing to them. Who gives these people jobs???

The Tudors (season one) - And I think my job is shit

Showtime is to many, the poor man's HBO. I'm not sure why. They have produced two fine shows in Dexter and Brotherhood, and now The Tudors. I took me a while to watch it but as I'm glad I did as it is a fantastic looking show.

It concentrates on the early years of Henry VIII (or '8' as Showtime have indicated, Ah one reason then) so rather than the old fat church burner we see in all history books we get the young athletic church burner instead. So it's a cooler telling of the story that most of us know with our Henry being a bit of a bratish, power mad, hedonistic king. Considering he's about 25 he does seem to have a fair bit of teenage angst though. Think Haydens 'Anakin Skywalker' with just a lot more fun and sex. (Ahh The Sex, When things get slow, whack in some sex. That's Showtime) I suppose they have to, we all pretty much know the story of The church burning Beheading king so they have to maintain the interest.

But I'm belittling the show. It's well acted by some, cringe worthy by others but you can not take away the fact that it looks superb. You would actually think you were in 16th Century England (god I hope that's right).

Roll on Season 2. But it ain't no Rome, BoB, Sons of Anarchy, etc.........

Oh yeah. The Job. Well I knew that The King had people who wiped his ass, and even people that sat at the bottom of the bed when he shagged. But I had no idea that he had someone to do this job. And before you think you know what it is, it isn't. But it almost is. I mean you're close enough :/

Up in the Air - Life's what you make it

Up in the air is a film I've been looking forward to since I saw the trailer (although I swear it was called something different), It just connected straight away. I later learned that it was directed by Jason Rietman which only increased my anticipation. Hes been involved in two well received films ('Thank you for smoking' and 'Juno') already and clearly is a man who picks his projects well. In fact I really should sit down and watch both those films properly and not just catch parts of each now and again. That said, they do capture my attention whenever they appear on the screen.

This film is no different. It engages the viewer through it's simple story telling and comedy moments. It's been touted as a romcom, but such simple genre pigeonholing does not do it justice and would probably scare off too many viewers. Because beneath the story there a lot of messages and things to make you think. It's a story about how people live their lives and how one man's milk is another man's mustard (is that even the saying???) Moments of doubt are not always a call to change anything.

All this is told from the point of view of an 'emotionally detached' man (George Clooney, playing himself if you ask me. Is he emotionally detached??) who flies round the US firing people for a living. That in itself provides most of the comedy moments with some fabulous cameos. Plus if you've been fired, replaced, removed then you will get some great mileage from the crap that comes out of Clooneys mouth. That's when he's not delivering killer lines like 'I'm not racist, I stereotype. It's faster'.

All in all a great movie. But not a romcom, a lifecom. Jason Rietman = Kevin Smith with broader appeal and a much cooler Richard Curtis.

Crank: High Voltage - Rock and Roll

Crank 2 picks up pretty much from where Crank left off. In fact it picks up from exactly that point. That itself doesn't make a lot of sense, but then this is the story of Chev Chelios and much like a an episode of Dallas, you know your audience will accept it all at face value.

So what we have here is a crazy ass showing of stunts, mayhem, chaos and bad language (well offensive actually) and story telling of the up most stupefied. Possibly everything that Postal wanted to be but could never be as it was hampered by Uwe Boll and didn't start the legendary Statham (I am yet to see the Boll/Statham collaboration though and didn't I say that about Crank)

So as is the tradition of popcorn movie making, the sequel takes all the extreme elements of the predecessor and expands them into an even more mad movie, almost as mad as this and well madder than the opening 15 minutes of Dead or Alive (which in my head I'm sure was mad). You want highbrow subtext then look elsewhere, but........

.......life, film, video game, film...life???? There has to be a thesis in there somewhere, in fact if the opening frame of the movie had been Stathams eye blinking open then we may have had oscar worthy material here ;)

Apollo 13 - Are there still people who don't think we went to the moon??

NASA space program. OK I'm hooked. A brilliant flick form the 90s bought to us by Ron 'Richie' Cunnigham-Howard about the ill fated and thus, aptly named Apollo 13 space mission. Well you can see where the conspiracy theorists get a foot hold. Number 13, what were the chances?? It launched at 13:13, Lovell's wife dropped her wedding ring down the shower. But this all happened, and its only Hot Shots that we have to blame for any doubt in coincidence. Wendy I can Flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

Still, I'm missing the point. This is a story based very much in fact and filmed that way also. The sets and costumes and attitudes are spot on for the time (60s/70s America). Time was spent creating the sets, such as the Lem and mission control to ensure their authenticity. It all looks fantastic. The CGI used to create the Saturn 5 rocket launch (wow) and Subsequent space scenes are amazing and are still looking great today. Their scale and majesty just as immense as the actual event.

Howard is probably the only director that could bring this dramatic tale to the screen as it's all so American feel good at the same time. It never distracts from the drama though. We Were Soldiers had the wives club bringing widows the bad news in between the war drama and it didn't work (laughable in fact). In this it adds to the character development and the viewer is more involved for it.

Space and Paxton (even in non OTT mode) Brilliant!

Jennifer's Body - Falling apart at the seams

Now before I start I must add that I think I fall outside of the 99.9% of the world who think Megan Fox is hot. I don't get the obsession. I remember when I saw Transformers and commented to someone that it was just 'Okay and could have done without the human element subplot'. They quickly chipped in with ' yeah, maybe, but...Megan Fox!!!!' She's far from ugly, but then so are many people.

So to the movie.....

It's a good little flick that maybe hovers (not flys) inbetween a required audience. It's not strong enough to be a horror, it's not hip enough to be teen high school and it probably wants to be too clever. That said, to me it fell into the realm of Heathers and The Faculty for watchability and that means it's got rewatchability too. I didn't really know what to expect when I switched it on and that maybe helped a little. Plus it's got a great soundtrack. Anything with the White Lies on is a winner for me.

The Day the Earth Stood Still - Can you sleep standing up??

Looking for a reason to slag off the remaking of classics??? Trying to find that Ammunition??? Look no further. How to ruin a classic. And that's what the original is, a Black and White BBC2 Teatime classic.

This on the other hand is poor. It doesn't grab you at all. In fact it looks and feels like a Stargate SG1 episode at times. I mean look at the poster, if that's not a M.Knight Shyamalan looking number then I don't know what is. That would be OK if

A) It was

and

B) His films were still good.

Seen it all before. I can't even be bothered to paragraph correctly. Meh!