The American - Bored of the USA

The American is pretty much what you'd expect from a George Clooney film.  Well acted, well shot and well directed. Stylish, like the man.  But despite this, it is a wafer thin, seen it all before typical story of a Hitman that is fed up with the life he lives and want to throw it all in.  As we all know, Hitman cant just hand in their 4 weeks notice and collect the P45, and so begins the age old tale of hunter turned hunted.

The difference with this version though is that it's all rather slow, dull and pointless as it meanders along to it's predictable conclusion.  Not for me this Italian Melodrama, the best bit being when George emerges from those tiny doors.  Badly framed shot??

Sanctum - Men with Hats at Work

A load of climbers get stuck in a flooding cave system and get picked off one by one in Descent style minus the the suspenseful supernatural horror element. It's a bit like The Poseidon Adventure (in fact really like it in places) except not as terrifying because you're unlikely to ever find yourself in a cave other than Wookey Hole, whereas a capsized boat could happen on a jaunt to The Isle of Wight. The shouty Aussie gets on your nerves as well.

Apparently, this film is great in 3D and is produced/presented/not really involved by James Cameron.  That tells you all you need to know before you even watch it.

Red State - Kevin Smith can talk a good movie

Kevin Smith of the Nerds Rom Com genre directs his first horror movie.  He should have stuck to what he knows as this was a very average movie. Very little shock or suspense for a  horror movie and a cop out ending (no Pun intended).  Oh well, at least the killers didn't require a twisted sexual motive for their murderous intent.  That made a nice change.

He should stick to what he knows best.  And I hope the rumours aren't true that this and Cop Out are his last films. I mean they would and should be if he hadn't already shown such great talent.

Invention of Lying - Best film ever made ;)

Never going to be a great film.  As funny as Ricky Gervais is, that whiny self depreciation humour will grate in a feature length movie.   And he does.  Despite some great scenes and one liners this film degenerates into nothing more than a predictable comedy. It is saved though because of the incredible dig at organised religion.  I could watch those jokes over and over again. :D

Piranha - Buns for show, Boobs for a Pro

High budget Lowbrow splatter fest.  Follows the rules of all crap horror movies but with an incredible on screen budget and all star guest appearance list.  It's all about the flesh on show though, with both the spring break bikini clad type and with the torn off the bones type getting plenty of screen time.  Add some shooting fish shotgun action and Braindead-esq blade chomping and this should have been a B movie classic. 

Alas some poorly handled needless plotting and unnecessary back story drop it marks.  Great knob gag though :)

Super - The Indie Hero

Although it could be seen to be studio doppelganger of  one of the greatest movies of recent years (Kick-Ass), Super couldn't be more different.  It has Independent movie written all over it, if the soundtrack, the sparse sets, quirky individuals and  the stark reality don't convince you then the appearance of Ellen Page should confirm it.

But it's a dark twisted comedy you embark on if you watch this film. When Rainn Wilson picks the Wrench as his weapon of choice against crime then you know this is where his Dwight Shrute character from The Office could reach if ever allowed.  

And that's the simplicity of this film. No gloss, just the thin line between Superhero Crime fighter and psychopathic maniac.....

"You don't butt in line. You don't sell drugs. You don't molest little children."

...Super indeed :)

Star Wars - Who had to die to get the Blade Runner release we wanted??

That is all............................. :(

Priest - Hell's Angels

Very short Movie (about 75 minutes if you take out the credits and cheap graphic start), absolutely no character development.  I don't think anyone even has a name.  Of course, this could be forgiven if the screen is filled with some bad-ass action, but it isn't.  Most of the time they just seem to be riding off somewhere else on their big old motorbikes.  When people do stop to 'develop', it all seems so tinpot.

A Blade-esq rip off that could have been much much better.

Drive Angry - Ghost Riders in the Sky

At last, a film worth watching for just the sheer pleasure of watching.  And starring my old mucker Nic-annoys me as a lead but I still like a lot of his films-Cage.

In truth, I think Nic felt he needed to make up for that awful cheese fest that is Ghost Rider with a similar styled affair, but hey, for adults this time.

Cars, explosions, Insane stunts along with ridiculous posing and dialogue (all intended of course) make this a film to reward the senses. And a film that feels it can steal from Shoot 'Em Up clearly knows it's audience from the first frame.

Loved every minute, with only the soundtrack letting things down for me at times.  St Nic proving again that it is possible to love his films whilst despising his acting at the same time.

William Fitchner saving the day for Nic in this one.  He's never bad Merely Badass.  maybe I should do a list of Nic Cage films I hate him in but still love and then investigate how the movie rises so well above the lead.

Mirrors - Vampires Weekend

Want to make a Horror film?  Always use Mirrors as they are a guaranteed scare factor.  Stick in a few classy deaths, try not to get bogged down and hire a quality lead in Kiefer Sutherland.  It's not gonna win any awards but it's up there with video rentals we all grew up with a loved in our youth.

The Quick and the Dead - It's a crap name for a film really

A watch once, light on memorable scenes, standard last man standing tournament movie, set in the wild west, staring a load of relatively unknown at the time but huge now actors being directed by Sam Raimi and all of his traditional touches.

I'd recommend you watch this movie, but I would be in no rush to watch it again with you.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2010 - Scream if you wanna go Faster

A perfectly acceptable attempt at making a totally unnecessary and pointless movie. The original Nightmare movie is a perfect blend of gore and scares and over the top bad guy.  That's why it works. That's why people love it and that's why Freddy is such an Iconic anti hero. The franchise both followed and established the rules for such movies.

This re imagining bullshit movie forgets all that and dishes out a big steaming turd affair. You can't side with the kids (you never can in a slasher, they're just fodder), and you can't side with Freddy.  No, not only because he isn't played by the Brilliant and maniacal Robert Englund  but because they keep ramming it down your throat about him being a Paedo.  Way to completely miss the point.

Don't waste your time on this and watch the original instead. It hasn't dated.

The Human Centipede - There is no 'I' in Shit.

Don't watch it. I know you want to, but don't. I didn't want to, but I did. I wish I hadn't and I only got to the bit when the Japanese bloke needed a shit.

The only menacing thing about this film aside from the writer/director, is the German scientist. But his whole ideology is flawed. He just seems obsessed with Human digestion, he can't stop talking about it. Even to the point that his first experiment involved his two dogs.

And that's the biggest flaw of all, cos everyone knows that you don't have to go to such ridiculous lengths to make a dog eat their own shit.

Avoid.

Any Given Saturday - Well Happy

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After many years of nomadic wandering and many many false dawns.  Could this finally be the stadium plan that we've been waiting for???

Pirates if the Caribbean On Stranger Tides - This is 4 right?

I don't really get the POTC movies.  The first one was great, but the following two were just ....... there.  Pirates 4 is in the same bracket as the other sequels.  It's good to watch but will (and already has a day later) just blur into the rest.  Leaving you to think "what one did that happen in?"

Much like Harry Potter films, they are all the same.  Lots of double crossing pirates, stiff upper lip British, a treasure (of which the viewer is unsure what it is even when they find it and also totally unsure of who really wanted it), Jack's crazy walk and chat and an ending to lead to another movie.

The only thing that makes you go "Wow!!!" in this chapter is finding out that the missing Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom are really quite important to help these movies flow. Go Figure?

That said, I do love a good Pirate outing :) 

Question - This quartet of Pirate movies is now an ass numbing 599 minutes.  How many more sequels are on the horizon given the money they make??, But more importantly, why the hell do they have to be so long?  I fear if Bruckheimer get's his mate Michael Bay to direct the next one that, awesomely ridiculous though it could be, I may die trying to watch to the end.