Sunday, 19 February 2012

Mr Majestyk - Melons is Melons


Mr Majestyk is one of three things :-

Either it's a slow burning action movie with the good guy being pushed till he breaks. an age old story but this is from the 70's

Or, the blueprint for every single A-Team episode that was ever made. We're talking the set up, the bad guys, the woman, the driving. Everything

Or, it's an advert for the strength, speed and agility of the Ford Pick-up truck. Apparently it was, the following year.

It's still a great watch with the dependable Mr Bronson though, and I would recommend you get a viewing in before the inevitable Statham remake which will probably end up a combination of this and First Blood. Hmm, that sounds quite good "'Why you keep pushing my fackin' melons you slag!"


Friday, 3 February 2012

Blitz - Nought as Queer as folk



Dirty looking, stylised, violent, sweary London crime thriller that could have been great if hadn't had tried too hard.  Bullshit action can twist on a whim, characterisation and story can't.  Most of the good work is pissed up against the wall with the weak ending regardless.

It's like they got bored. One for fans of 'The Stath' or the genre only.

Ironclad - Look to my coming at the first light of the fifth day



The Battle for Helm's Deep condensed into a much bloodier and gorier rated flick with a healthier bum time of only two hours and with no silly talking trees breaking up the action. The limb and body count for this movie is seriously high for something that pretends it's factual. It get's proper Medieval on your ass.

Great stuff, but probably wouldn't watch again.


Tuesday, 3 January 2012

The American - Bored of the USA


The American is pretty much what you'd expect from a George Clooney film.  Well acted, well shot and well directed. Stylish, like the man.  But despite this, it is a wafer thin, seen it all before typical story of a Hitman that is fed up with the life he lives and want to throw it all in.  As we all know, Hitman cant just hand in their 4 weeks notice and collect the P45, and so begins the age old tale of hunter turned hunted.

The difference with this version though is that it's all rather slow, dull and pointless as it meanders along to it's predictable conclusion.  Not for me this Italian Melodrama, the best bit being when George emerges from those tiny doors.  Badly framed shot??

Monday, 2 January 2012

Sanctum - Men with Hats at Work


A load of climbers get stuck in a flooding cave system and get picked off one by one in Descent style minus the the suspenseful supernatural horror element. It's a bit like The Poseidon Adventure (in fact really like it in places) except not as terrifying because you're unlikely to ever find yourself in a cave other than Wookey Hole, whereas a capsized boat could happen on a jaunt to The Isle of Wight. The shouty Aussie gets on your nerves as well.

Apparently, this film is great in 3D and is produced/presented/not really involved by James Cameron.  That tells you all you need to know before you even watch it.


Sunday, 27 November 2011

Red State - Kevin Smith can talk a good movie


Kevin Smith of the Nerds Rom Com genre directs his first horror movie.  He should have stuck to what he knows as this was a very average movie. Very little shock or suspense for a  horror movie and a cop out ending (no Pun intended).  Oh well, at least the killers didn't require a twisted sexual motive for their murderous intent.  That made a nice change.

He should stick to what he knows best.  And I hope the rumours aren't true that this and Cop Out are his last films. I mean they would and should be if he hadn't already shown such great talent.

Invention of Lying - Best film ever made ;)


Never going to be a great film.  As funny as Ricky Gervais is, that whiny self depreciation humour will grate in a feature length movie.   And he does.  Despite some great scenes and one liners this film degenerates into nothing more than a predictable comedy. It is saved though because of the incredible dig at organised religion.  I could watch those jokes over and over again. :D

Piranha - Buns for show, Boobs for a Pro


High budget Lowbrow splatter fest.  Follows the rules of all crap horror movies but with an incredible on screen budget and all star guest appearance list.  It's all about the flesh on show though, with both the spring break bikini clad type and with the torn off the bones type getting plenty of screen time.  Add some shooting fish shotgun action and Braindead-esq blade chomping and this should have been a B movie classic. 

Alas some poorly handled needless plotting and unnecessary back story drop it marks.  Great knob gag though :)

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Super - The Indie Hero


Although it could be seen to be studio doppelganger of  one of the greatest movies of recent years (Kick-Ass), Super couldn't be more different.  It has Independent movie written all over it, if the soundtrack, the sparse sets, quirky individuals and  the stark reality don't convince you then the appearance of Ellen Page should confirm it.

But it's a dark twisted comedy you embark on if you watch this film. When Rainn Wilson picks the Wrench as his weapon of choice against crime then you know this is where his Dwight Shrute character from The Office could reach if ever allowed.  

And that's the simplicity of this film. No gloss, just the thin line between Superhero Crime fighter and psychopathic maniac.....

"You don't butt in line. You don't sell drugs. You don't molest little children."

...Super indeed :)

Sunday, 24 July 2011

Priest - Hell's Angels


Very short Movie (about 75 minutes if you take out the credits and cheap graphic start), absolutely no character development.  I don't think anyone even has a name.  Of course, this could be forgiven if the screen is filled with some bad-ass action, but it isn't.  Most of the time they just seem to be riding off somewhere else on their big old motorbikes.  When people do stop to 'develop', it all seems so tinpot.

A Blade-esq rip off that could have been much much better.

Monday, 18 July 2011

Drive Angry - Ghost Riders in the Sky


At last, a film worth watching for just the sheer pleasure of watching.  And starring my old mucker Nic-annoys me as a lead but I still like a lot of his films-Cage.

In truth, I think Nic felt he needed to make up for that awful cheese fest that is Ghost Rider with a similar styled affair, but hey, for adults this time.

Cars, explosions, Insane stunts along with ridiculous posing and dialogue (all intended of course) make this a film to reward the senses. And a film that feels it can steal from Shoot 'Em Up clearly knows it's audience from the first frame.

Loved every minute, with only the soundtrack letting things down for me at times.  St Nic proving again that it is possible to love his films whilst despising his acting at the same time.

William Fitchner saving the day for Nic in this one.  He's never bad Merely Badass.  maybe I should do a list of Nic Cage films I hate him in but still love and then investigate how the movie rises so well above the lead.

Mirrors - Vampires Weekend


Want to make a Horror film?  Always use Mirrors as they are a guaranteed scare factor.  Stick in a few classy deaths, try not to get bogged down and hire a quality lead in Kiefer Sutherland.  It's not gonna win any awards but it's up there with video rentals we all grew up with a loved in our youth.

The Quick and the Dead - It's a crap name for a film really


A watch once, light on memorable scenes, standard last man standing tournament movie, set in the wild west, staring a load of relatively unknown at the time but huge now actors being directed by Sam Raimi and all of his traditional touches.

I'd recommend you watch this movie, but I would be in no rush to watch it again with you.

Thursday, 30 June 2011

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2010 - Scream if you wanna go Faster


A perfectly acceptable attempt at making a totally unnecessary and pointless movie. The original Nightmare movie is a perfect blend of gore and scares and over the top bad guy.  That's why it works. That's why people love it and that's why Freddy is such an Iconic anti hero. The franchise both followed and established the rules for such movies.

This re imagining bullshit movie forgets all that and dishes out a big steaming turd affair. You can't side with the kids (you never can in a slasher, they're just fodder), and you can't side with Freddy.  No, not only because he isn't played by the Brilliant and maniacal Robert Englund  but because they keep ramming it down your throat about him being a Paedo.  Way to completely miss the point.

Don't waste your time on this and watch the original instead. It hasn't dated.