Wednesday, 15 December 2010

Christmas With The Kranks - Frosty the Bastard

Far funnier than it gets credit for. It never really hits full speed but Obsessive American Neighbourhoods are always a going to be a good setting for a seasonal Movie. Typically, it's a tricky line to make these films appealing to all given the limits of the story, But this film never feels like it's retreading 'old ground' and the Xmas smaulch never hangs around on screen for too long.

A worthy addition to the annual Christmas film fest with a great soundtrack to boot.

Monday, 13 December 2010

Trading Places - It wasn't heroin, it was angel dust - PCP and I never touched it. ...

Classic Christmas comedy with Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy when they were hilarious. Could almost be a family film if it wasn't for the totally unnecessary topless shots and F-bombs dropped in now and again. But without them it wouldn't be half as funny.

Die Hard - Now I Have A Machine Gun Ho - Ho - Ho

The film that changed the action Genre forever in so many ways! Even adding an action hero that could crack jokes, be a hero, and ... well, 'act.' It also showed that bad guys are best portrayed by European actors as you can never take a fronting Yank completely seriously as a bad guy.

I've seen this film so many times I can't even remember. What did I learn this time???? Well, Hans Gruber seems to have compiled a healthy Dossier on Mr Takagi that would put the Encyclopedia Britannica to shame. He does seem to have neglected to insert a photo though :/

A Christmas classic. Got you viewing in this year yet???

Saturday, 20 November 2010

The Island - Mike's place

A genuinely great Michael Bay film. Will wonders never cease??? It's infected with his bungee cord attached camera work, but spending a lot of time underground does seem to contain him.

Ewan McGregor plays the discontented man in a near future scifi flick where a group of Nike clad well mannered and healthy individuals eagerly await their future on 'The Island'. A little of Logan's Run and a slice of THX1138 help give this some weight, along with some dependable acting from McGregor, Sean Bean and Djimon Hounsou. And for most of the movie runtime this is engaging if a little predictable.

Alas, as soon as it breaks out, Mr Bay gets his dirty OTT action* directional mitts on it and we have some ridiculous action, crazy fighting and lots of running until it all ends in a Polyphonic Spree video. Still, I like it.

*(OTT action is usually great and always was until Michael Bay)

Sunday, 14 November 2010

Bronson - Well I never Liked Clockwork Orange that much anyway

To some, a feast and the return of the great European Auteur........ others, complete shite.

I'm with the others, so I'm obviously too Neanderthal to comment. See this if you want to think "WTF????" as opposed to "WTF????......aaaah  coooool" 

Saturday, 16 October 2010

Couples Retreat - It's puppy cradle death syndrome

A really weak film that would be average to worthless if it wasn't for the cast.  But the cast make this more than watchable.  Vince Vaughan plays VV and that's always worth a watch.  Jason Bateman is a comic genius and with his on screen partner, Kristen Bell, we have the modern day couple to die for. Jon Favreau and Jean Reno add their skills to the mix as well.  In fact, everyone is on form.

The star of the show though is Peter Serafinowicz.  Still unsure if he's a genius or a complete dick, but in this he's definitely the evil genius. 

Will probably be panned for saying it , but I loved it.

I love you Beth Cooper - Love is Blind

A high School comedy Directed by Chris Columbus.  Should be a shoe in for laughs then.

In my mind the director  is a guarantee stamp like John Hughes, a guaranteed teen comedy will be delivered.  My mind must be lost as the man that gave us Home Alone 1&2 also bought us the heavily overrated-budgeted-marketed Harry Potter movies and little else.

The comic timing and the film editing is way off.  Whether that's the director, his second string team of actors or a combination of both, I don't know.  What I do know, is that a lot of the ideas and comedy on show SHOULD be funny but it isn't.  A real shame. 

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

DOA: Dead or Alive - WARNING: This motion picture does not contain explicit portrayals of violence; sex; violent sex; sexual violence; clowns and violent scenes of violent excess, so is definitely suitable for all audiences.

Remember the bit about watching films in HD when they are shown. Well that's my excuse for watching this also. It's not terrible and it doesn't take itself seriously at all. It has some cool and equally ropey fight scenes and sticks in three scantily clad maidens to up the interest for the Teenage boy audience. Surely no other excuse for the volleyball scene????
Think of it as a poor mans Charlie's Angels (The Movie Remakes) if such a thing can be achieved and just take it or leave it.

Predator - M134 when you absolutely positively have to kill every mutha fucker in the jungle, accept no substitute.

Arnie sets off on a Jungle hunt with Jessie Ventura and Apollo Creed and some other mates to hunt down the most quintessential badass alien that has ever been created. Couple this with some awesome 80's scripted dialogue, a thunderous score from Silvestri and the meanest (hand)gun ever shown on screen in and you get one of the greatest sci-fi actioners created.

Trivia - Arnold is displaying enlightenment at the fact that he can't be seen because he is covered in clay. Man that guy can act.

First Blood - Back Home

Sly's best film? You decide
What it is, is a fantastic action movie with a little more depth and realism than it gets credit for. John Rambo, Vietnam vet, snaps when the local law enforcement get a little too heavy.  What ensues is Action movie gold.

The International - The World's Local Bank

Clive Owen, hereon referred to as 'The Plank' (a bit harsh as this is probably his least wooden performance) stars as a Interpol agent relentlessly investigating a huge banking organisation. Story reminds me a lot of Lord of War with Nic Cage,  because of the nod to the fact that Big Business runs and influences the whole world.
Set to a European back drop, this conspiracy thriller was always going to draw comparison to The Bourne trilogy of films. A shame, as if you do compare it then it will come up well short. The fast passed action and stylised editing of those films is not even attempted in this brooding thriller. Fixed cam landscapes a plenty on view in what is an engaging and thought provoking journey across the globe.
A nod to older movies and styles on show here and long may such things continue. You have to love the shoot out in the museum as well. It is stunning.

AVP: Requiem - ....and dark doesn't mean good, it means I can't see what the fudge is going on.....

Dark, plot-less, careless and pointless

AVP - The Games Master

As with Transformers, just having two sets of awesome bad guys kick the shit out of each other is not allowed. As is releasing what would be an awesome 30 minute flick in the pictures. So we have to mix in some human element and plotted story.
Paul WS Anderson gets good action fodder in his flick and knows his audience so this is simple stuff. TBF if it wasn't for the PG13 rating restricting the gore and the, let's be honest, pretty ropey first face off for the two protagonists then this is a pretty great attempt as far as shallow action movies go.
Mind you, I've seen it three times now, so it might be a good time to retire it from viewing. Nah can't do that. Colin Salmon and Henriksen being in this will always make me think it's worth another go.

Predators - Danger! Danger! Will Robinson

An action reboot and apparent sequel to the first Predator movie gets that billing for no apparent reason. Averagely dull action stars and too much of the bad stuff from King Kong and The Mist for me. You know, stupid CGI alien stuff.

Thing is, despite Brody being broody, Fishburne being great/fat and the rest being ok fodder. It just tries too hard. It seems an irrelevance to put these characters in various states of confusion when the majority of the viewers know what's coming. You just get no involvement or connection to their plight.

No bombastic score. No second half urgency. Laurence Fishburne is Tim Robbins in War of the Worlds. And a predictable seen it coming a mile off so a real shame it wasn't worth waiting for samurai scene.

Let Down. No better, but no worse than AVP, albeit for different reasons.

Predator 2 - It has not been a nice day

Take the first movie, move the shoot to an easier location to work in and crack on with making sequels the way they are supposed to be made. Set up the plot, kill off the characters and end with a massive chase/hunt.
Get some good action actors (Glover, Paxton, Bussey), Some bad un's (most of the rest) and some OTT ones (hey the mighty Paxton again :)) and remember that it's the man in the suit and the awesome score that really make this franchise. You'll be onto a winner.
Some shocking delivered lines from the Hispanic cops does not distract from the fact that this is the second best Predator movie.

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

Date Movie - The curse of technology

I watch a lot crap purely because I have HD Sky and tend to record anything in Hi Def.  I hate poor spoofs and especially spoofs that try and spoof comedy :?  Spoofs that are not even funny are particularly pointless.

Monday, 5 July 2010

Final Destination - It's a one-way ticket to a madman's situation

The first and second best of the three films I have seen from this four piece saga. It still holds up well after several repeat viewing's because there is just so much going on in the background. The books, pictures on the walls, songs, goes on and on. And to top that it's just a well polished horror film with plenty of inventive death scenes of incredible length and detail. How number two managed to improve on this I don't know, but I think like here, they just new what worked. 

There are so many great scenes to get through. And all of them keep you gripped and guessing and far enough onto the edge of your seat to jump out of your skin at several points. They nailed this movie, pure and simple. And that ending get's me every time.

Kick Ass - The Non Conformist Genre Genre

Like Zombieland before it, this film has reminded me what I love about movies. Both these films have thrown a curve ball at their respective genres reminding us that films don't need to fit hoes for pigeons.

In simple terms, kick ass is kick ass. It has somehow managed to blend the modern American teen humour with a storyline, a dramatised superhero movie, some blood thirsty action and plenty of Irony. Hell it even gets a stupendous performance from Nic Cage. And this is a man who has sat firmly on my avoid radar for a long long time.

The movie is amazing. If they had made this in Asia then critics would have hailed it's existence as pure genius. And then firmly slated Western cinema for not being able to do the same. Well we did the same people and it didn't need to be half as quirky and mind bending as those crazy Japanese Korean fellows ;)

I for one cannot wait to watch this again.

Wednesday, 30 June 2010

Lost - It was the dawn of the third age of mankind

Something has been bothering me about Lost.  It's not the series as it's one of the best TV shows ever (not as good as BSG). It's not the ending as I thought it was a fantastic ending to a TV Show.  So many shows don't end.  So many shows drag themselves on for far too long and when they finally do end they don't tell you anything (X Files). It's not even the hundreds of poor SKY One Lost exclusive shows which are some of the poorest efforts of TV ever.  Iain Lee, what happened??......

Nope, It's the CGI in the last season.  Some of the worse I've seen in a TV show.  Where did the budget go.  Anything in the water was like someone had just switched over to a cartoon.  It would give Primeval a run for its money in the 'you know it's not real so we're not even going to try' stakes.  Bizarre....  

Sunday, 20 June 2010

Lords Of Dogtown - Let's go Space Truckin'

Disenfranchised 'yoofs' take skateboarding to a new level in this bio-pic about the explosion of the sport in 70s US of A. How annoying are these guys. They live in a dump on the sunny coast, but rather than stick to surfing they go for skateboarding. Not only that, they get to practice and highlight their talents by illegally skating in the empty pools of local residents. Hardly fair is it.
Skateboarding should be an Urban jungle pursuit. Dirty Meaders hardly get the choice to take up surfing do they. Being able to ride the Severn bore once a year can't really count. To make things worse, they don't even get the chance to practice in swimming pools. The residents of Sneyd Park and Stoke Bishop would never empty their green slime pools even though we only get sunshine for about 4 weeks a year........
.....This is a great film. Easy to sit down and watch with a beer and take in the images and the great 70's soundtrack. Why??? Because I want their life of chilled out hassle free existence in the sun or I want to sit down with a beer and a movie with some 70's rock. Heath Ledgers' best film (until I find another) especially highlighted by his scene set against Maggie May (Awesome).

Lords of Dogtown (Unrated Extended Cut) 

Saturday, 19 June 2010

Club Dread - Broken Lizards Club Dread no less

Strange one this. I assume Broken Lizard is a comedy troupe that got together for this feature. They're quite a funny bunch but the film is disjointed. The biggest problem is trying to make a comedy horror from a slasher flick. Not needed, it's already a comedy genre in it's own right. All in all, the characters are good, but the film just drags. On the plus side, there is plenty of unnecessary flesh on show......
Oh and the Legend that is BILL PAXTON as well :)

Club Dread (Unrated Extended Edition) 

Lake Placid - Thankyou for being a friend

Lake Placid is a tale of a man eating monster that terrorises the local lake eating tourists and anyone that cares to turn up.
At least that's the plot....
The result is very different. It's effectively a horror comedy with the narrative being nothing more than a excuse for a group of people to engage in some sarcastic exchanges. The Horror element doesn't work in the slightest but the film is no worse for it. The only thing missing is Nathan Fillion. Did he base his career on this film????

Lake Placid (Widescreen Edition) 

Carlitos's Way - She's On Fire

Brian de Palma and Al Pacino + Scarface. Right??? Nope, it can also Be Carlito's way. But Carlito'sWay is no Scarface. Yep it's good, but not Scarface. In fact, scrap that, because at times it is like Scarface. The camera work, the dialogue, the movement. But herein lies the problem. It's the same director, it's the same lead and although not the same story it is a similar genre of crime. Too many similarities pointing to the better movie for me. If I could offer you a reason to watch, it would simple be that it is a great film. Just make sure you devote a clear two hours to view it and you clear you memory of Scarface beforehand.

Carlito's Way [Blu-ray] 

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

Iron Man - Heavy boots of lead fills his victims full of dread

Hit my second viewing of Iron Man over the weekend and am still left bewildered by the hype that this movie gets from my popcorn loving friends. In the modern world of Superhero summers, it just feels like more of the same. It follows the same establishing line of all the origin movies and because of that it might as well BE the same movie.
There seems little you can do with a Marvel movie, it's eternally trapped in a set of rules like Disney. You can rarely break enough of these rules without falling into a trap. Namely turn into a camp kids movie like Fantastic Four or alienate those that don't want to think like Batman Begins or Hulk. I suppose Iron Man sits nicely in the middle like Spider-man or X-men. Visual enough and clever enough and adult enough to appeal to everyone. But that said, it's still a franchise setting movie that has to drop in an obligatory appearance for Stan Lee (A flawed genius who knows what he likes and it ain't a lot of variety) and so never challenges the grey matter or comes close to surprising you.
Iron Man has a great soundtrack, some great set pieces and is better acted than most, but give me Blade or Hellboy any day of the week.

Iron Man (Ultimate Two-Disc Edition + BD Live) [Blu-ray] 

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Zu Warriors from the Magic Mountain - Loses a little something in the translation ....maybe


Take the worse episode of Monkey you ever saw, add the fact that your not a kid anymore and you never saw this when you were and then multiply by the fact that you never even liked Big Trouble in Little China let alone foreign cinema. Then decide if you want to watch this.

For students of Asian cinema only.

Zu - Warriors From the Magic Mountain 

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus - Terry & Jude

This film is probably best known for being the film that Heath Ledger was in the middle of making when he died.  It was probably the only thing left that could happen to film maker Terry Gilliam to scupper his latest movie.  Okay, it was a worse deal for Heath, but Gilliam really does get a bum deal with his visionary movies.  He seems like a nice guy, but I can only assume he's a complete bastard as karma is clearly not this mans friend. Read up on it.

I'm a fan though.  Ever since his crazy animation work in Monty Python caught my eye as a kid.  And It's transferred to all his films, Time Bandits, 12 Monkeys, The Fisher King (easily gets into my Top Ten films ever every time), Brazil.  The man is a visionary genius who makes films that live long in the memory but are very much off base.

This film is no different than the rest. It's instantly recognisable as his work. There is a lot going on, the characters are uniquely Gilliam, it's got all his crazy camera angles, the Sets are messy and detailed and the story is a dream like fantasy straight from the pages of child's book (well the kind of book that got released in 60s and 70s before the Nanny State got involved).
It's interesting to think how this film would have panned out if Heath hadn't died.  I'm not sure if re-writes were required or if the addition of Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell as the same character in a fantasy world just slotted in with less make up required.  Will probably make a good making off to match Lost in La Mancha.  It seems to work naturally anyway.

But as with all his work, and like The Matrix, it can't be explained, you have to experience it for yourself.  This one especially as I will have to watch at least once more before I can figure out what was going on.  

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Aliens - I say we grease this rat-fuck son of a bitch right now!

So if you have to go to the Queen to ask to form a government, can she then step in when you start fucking up the country and blow your ass outta town???  We may have to rely on someone else.

"Up and to the left"  

Too Soon???

Monday, 10 May 2010

The Taking of Pelham 123 - To the swingers and the roustabouts and the carnivore queen

I never thought that the words 'Underwhelmed' and 'Tony Scott' could go together. But it appears that they can. He is one of my favourite directors with movies such as 'Enemy of the State', 'Spy Game', 'Last Boy Scout' and 'Man on Fire' to name a few. Yeah he's a stylised director with his trademark blind light and his ever increasing MTV hyperkinetic editing. But his films are good. It seems though that with this remake he has ran out of steam.
It contains all of his said TM's, but it all comes across as more of the same. It isn't helped by everyone else seemingly going through the motions as well. Washington's perfect teeth everyday joe churning out the same old stuff. Travolta's camp bad guy that we've seen far too many times before and were never really scared of in the first place (although never with such unbelievable make-up, and that includes Battlefield Earth). And there's more New Yawking than you saw in Die Hard with a Vengeance.
So there you have it. A superb high octane thriller for those of you that have never seen any similar work from these three power hitters before. They should be less proud of themselves though as it appears they were just fulfilling contract obligations.

Dinosaur - No Jurasic Park

A turn of the century movie from the Disney studio, that along with Treasure Planet, Atlantis, Tarzan and the likes, I have never watched because I am probably too old. But seeing as I got hold of the Blu Ray in a cheap 2for1 deal I decided to give up 80 mins of a Saturday morning.
And I'm glad I did. I'm a Disney convert. 6 times visitor to their various theme parks/worlds doesn't lie. And this movie is pure Disney. Ignore the genius of the Pixar movies and get down to the nitty gritty of Disney. Child separated from family, finds new family, big event will attempt to break up family, but we all live happily ever after. Hell, it's jungle book without the songs. Actually that astounded me. As a kid I loved most Disney movies but Jungle book aside I rarely liked the songs. They annoyed me. Toy Story 2 just misses out on ultimate movie status because of Jessie's song. Bleugh!!!!!
So what we have here is a fantastically animated (against Live action backdrops but really, really looks great) traditional Disney movie minus the songs. I think this is because the film was not even supposed to have dialogue. In fact when I saw the trailers years ago, I assumed this was the case. It's worth a watch if you like Disney and the soundtrack will have you chomping at the bit to get back to the happiest place on earth. Well I am anyway :)

The Descent Part II - Yep, that is what it's called

Let's get one thing sure from the start. The Descent sequel is ten times better than most of the horror $hit that gets churned out nowadays. Unfortunately though, much like a new recipe for Blackthorn, it's just not required.
Neil Marshall's original was a complete movie. It had the lot. A great cast, a great story, a claustrophobic setting, a truly terrifying horror movie. What it didn't require was a sequel. The directors vision ended, completed, finished, story over. The Descent in all its glory was Marshall's masterpiece. Alas, success and the US ending paved the way for the sequel......
...You see, for those of you that have seen the original, In the US it ended at the Jump sequence in the car. The classic standard affair, Carrie, Elm Street, Event Horizon et al horror movie underpants changing ending. Hence the missing of the real depth and undertone of the story and the green light for franchise.
So on a pure horror movie experience the sequel works. It's pulled to together pretty much the whole team (director aside) and returned to the settings of the original. It kicks off from where the original ended in the US and it brings the same style of pure terror that the original did. Unfortunately though, it lacks the characterisation and depth of the original and works pretty much on a base horror level. Which means a lot of gore and a lot of jumps.
So if you can ignore the cheesy 'Hell itself' line, ignore the fact that two slightly overweight members of the local sheriffs department can cope in this unexplored cave system, ignore the terrible ending and are happy to watch a watered down version of the original then you will love this. I can only hope that if they are thinking of making another one, that they go down the route of a Cameron's Aliens to Scott's Alien sequel. Otherwise they will be hammering a classic into the depths.

Harry Brown - Dirty Charlie

Not one to watch if your feeling a bit down. Michael Caine stars as Harry Brown in a dark, grime filled, dirty affair set on some rough looking council estate (Cue Sarf London even though I don't think it's mentioned). Harry kicks off on a revenge spree after his wife dies, his friend dies and he sees nothing but complete scum chavs running riot on his estate.

It's a bit like Gran Torino meets Death Wish but never really hits the heights of either of those two.(Death wish is a classic in its own exploitation way). That said, like Gran Torino it does have the added realistic benefit of it's classy lead playing a character of his age.
If it wasn't for the lack of humour, crappy plotted last twenty minutes and weak symbolism (yeah the underpass) then perhaps it might have challenged GT. Nah, not with that song as the credits roll.

Sunday, 9 May 2010

Centurion - Why are you not entertained????

Neil Marshall is one of the finest Directors/screenwriters in Britain at the moment.  He is the man that brought us Dog Soldiers (excellent), The Descent (Scariest film for an age) and Doomsday (Bloody good, shut yer face).  So it was with anticipation that I awaited the release of Centurion, his latest effort, to hit the big screen.  

Alas, it would seem that being a big movie director is not enough to get your work on the screen in your home country.  I missed the release week, I couldn't make the following weeks one stupid late night showing and then it was gone. Yes, it would seem that in the day of Multiplex cinemas, of which Bristol has FIVE, there is simply not enough space to showcase homegrown talent. So that's five multiplexes, average of 12 screens, plus half a dozen local flea pits and the film is effectively gone within a week.

Is it any wonder that millions of people download movies illegally on the Internet.  That is the only way I can now watch this awesome movie in the next three months before the Blu ray is out for sale.  Trouble is, typing the word 'Centurion' into a search engine is a bit like using 'Trojan' or 'Chariot'.  What is the fascination with roman terminology????

What a shizzle.  He who anticipates, hesitates, and in turn.....

Wednesday, 14 April 2010

28 Days Later - 23 Days to go

So we will wake up (or sit through) 23 days from now to a new UK ruling party or hung parliament (should all be hanged anyway har har har;).  It will more than likely be the Conservatives, there is a slim chance it will still be Labour and there is next to no chance it will be anyone else.

"I'll vote for a third party candidate" , "Go on, throw your vote away"

Whatever the outcome, the Lib Dems get my vote.  Not because I live in the west country and all the disenfranchised farmers vote Lib Dem though.  Nope, purely because of the PPB I just saw.  I like it :)


Thursday, 1 April 2010

Dawn of the Dead - All Rise

DoTD is an all time favourite. Zombies hunt on instinct and there is no reasoning with that level of commitment. If their ultimate goal is to eat you alive, then all in all that's pretty scary. With the upcoming Blu Ray release on the Horizon and looking like another improvement in the visual stakes, I decided to dust off the Ultimate DVD edition for a final watch before upgrading. Three versions of this film, The Theatrical cut, The Extended cut and The European Cut. Unfortunately I went for the European Cut.

Bad move. I have obviously never seen this cut of the film before and it really struggles due to being a combination of a bad editing and an unfamiliar familiarity.
Dario Argento. A horror maestro who's films I have rarely seen, helped to get funding for this film. He was allowed Euro (non english apparently) distribution and editing rights in exchange. What we get is a faster cut (over 20 minutes off the original cut) and new music. But I'm unsure what the goal with this was. It still runs at nearly 2 hours for a horror movie and so no benefit there. And the 'tighter' editing just seems to make the film jump. The music is the biggest let down though as the original soundtrack is entrenched in the memory for me and the new stuff just sounds tagged on like a laughter track.
I'm not sure what Dario was trying to achieve. Why did he think he could edit this film better than George, and given the mans already respected output (so I'm told) why did he feel he needed to?
My advice to you if you've never seen this horror classic is avoid the Eurozone and head for the US Theatrical or the Extended cut. I'm going to refresh the brain with one of them very soon.

Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Deep Blue Sea - It gets better and better as it gets wetter and wetter

Should I admit to this being the most watched DVD in my collection??? Well it is. Renny Harlin has hit all the right elements for me with this film which means it is a movie that I can put on at any time and in any mindset. This Isn't a Taxi Driver or Apocalypse Now or the latest Foreign Language wire work ballet from Asia, this is pure unadulterated American Popcorn movie fun. So what makes it so good???

1) Its got sharks in it
2) It's tense. Set in the ocean, that's scary enough without the added tension of losing all forms of escape bar swimming.
3) There's no message aside from sharks are bloody dangerous and great movie bad guys
4) It's a low brow action movie that has managed to attract some top draw quality Hollywood actors. Samuel L. Jackson struggles to find bad material or make a film crap. The man oozes class and makes every movie experience 10 times better. Thomas Jane is the modern day Steve Mcqueen. He may be there for the ladies, but he has the charisma too. He's a mans man that any man can appreciate. LL Cool J is there for the comedy side and it's a role he plays so well. Plus he gets some great lines in this. Michael Rappaport is an acting genius and I'll deck anyone who says different.
5) Sandra Burroughs strips to her undies for no real reason apart form lightening the mood.
6) Its got Sharks in it.
7) It's got some great explosions and another Harlin Helicopter crash
8) Its the best underwater escape movie since The Poseidon Adventure (Original of course and I bloody love that film)
9) It's the best goddamn shark movie since Jaws.
10) It's got a big name death and it could not be more shoved in your face to avoid any doubt that it's about to happen if it tried. And that just makes it better.
11) If you can find a movie that smashes an underwater glass viewing panel in a better way then let me know.
12) It couldn't be a more formulaic action movie if it tried. Oh, you think that's bad. Well would you like it if your Cadburys Dairy milk or KFC seasoning tasted different? Well would you?
13) Did I mention the Sharks and Rappaport?

So there you have it. Find it, But it and watch it. If you don't like it then you have forgotten what entertainment is all about.

Deep Blue Sea (Keepcase)

Thursday, 4 March 2010

Avatar - The Last Rainforest

Avatar, Avatar, Avatar.

Avatar is the most over hyped (not overrated) movie in the history of time. You cannot fail to go and see this movie and be let down. I mean it's mean nominated for Oscars. And not just SFX ones. Real ones. Actually that's probably a good thing but it does show you that even the Academy have been swept up in all the hype. I mean it's effectively a sci fi cartoon. What were the chances?? then again District 9 is up to so maybe it's a lean year for their normal boring efforts.

So anyway on with the review of Ferngully. It's all about the 3D element isn't it. I wasn't that impressed, I never have been by 3D, 15 minutes in Disney World maybe. The Spiderman ride (Fecking Awesome) in Universal Islands of Adventure, definitely. But three hours. No way. Maybe it's my eyes. Or maybe it's that the cinemas aren't up to scratch or the 50 pence glasses don't warrant the Billion dollar investment. Like when the latest mobile phone comes with a 15 mega pixel camera but this effectively means bull crap if the lens is shite. Either way I wasn't blown away.

So 3D aside, Dances With Wolves is just an OK film. It's got some great fights, fantastic action, the animation is top notch and ultimately it is another Cameron classic. It's just not the all conquering movie experience it was purported to be. If it wasn't for all the hype re the 3D it wouldn't have become the biggest grossing film ever. People just felt they HAD to go, even if it just meant they could rebuff anyone who said 'well yeah, but you didn't see it in 3D'. I mean I saw some trailers and was in no mood to see it (and that's from a self confessed scifi, Cameron, action, bullshit movie fan). I still felt bullied into going though and spent a tenner for the privilege.

Trouble with all these Last Samurai fanboys though is their fantasies about the Blue Aliens. Yes that's the Blue ANIMATED Aliens. There's sites for you guys cos I think, as they say, It's Big in Japan.

Oh Avatar, how did you do it? I mean, even your movie posters are shite.

I'll still buy it on Blu ray though. What a sucker.

Evil - Canis Canem Edit

What a stunning movie. I was drawn into this movie from the very start. Probably because the opening is so violent and in your face, a bit like Romper Stomper, it let's you know what it's about early on.

It's set in Sweden a few years after the second world war and follows a bad kid with a violent upbringing that gets one more chance to succeed at a boarding school. The reason I mention the war, is that the hierarchy on show here definitely has nods to the Nazis. Using fear, power and violence to get there point across (plus looking a bit preened??), but nowhere near hard enough to carry it off. The main character (Andreas Wilson) is fantastic as the antihero and commands possibly the hardest screen presence I have seen since Ray Winstone's 'Carlin'. You are always waiting for him to kick off and you know his antagonists will not be prepared for that moment. This film reminded me a lot of Scum, in it's setting, authority and damn right nastiness from adolescents. It's easily as powerful as that film remains to this day.

An absolutely brilliant film and one I would recommend to everyone. If you are even slightly thinking about watching it then do so. Immediately!!

Imdb Link

2012 - Noah gets techno savvy

Roland Emmerich returns with another Earth destruction epic. He's used Giant monsters, Aliens and Mother Nature so far and it seems that he can't get enough of that earth bashing stuff. Not sure what he went for this time, I think it was the sun or something, but then I suppose it's not that important as it's all about what he can destroy.

Well this time he destroys just about everything as he seems to be preparing for a Waterworld re-boot. And that's just what he does. These films are all about the visual stupendousness of blowing up the world. Like taking the disaster movies of the seventies and amalgamating them into one big ride at Universal Studios. There is no doubt he is the master of this, but clearly the scripts are stuck firmly in the ass end of hell. There in lies the problem. He has the power to leave me watching in awe as he destroys well known landmarks by the dozen whilst not giving one cahoot about the tens of thousands of people that are dying. Ultimately this leaves me cold to whether any of the characters on screen live or die. As the film clocks in at about 2 1/2 hours there is far too much of this poorly scripted worthless filler.

And there is some fine talent on show if the script was good. Amanda Peet, John Cusack, Danny Glover, Oliver Platt, Thandie Newton are all there for you not to give a stuff about. Although I did think they were all about one step down the ladder from whom he originally wanted,

So there you have it. Long winded shallow disaster epic with some of the greatest visuals you will see this year or probably by 2012. You have to switch off the brain for far far longer than normal but I can hardly call this crap.

2012 (Two-Disc Special Edition) [Blu-ray] GodzillaIndependence Day [Blu-ray]The Day After Tomorrow [Blu-ray]