Saturday, 29 November 2008

The Devil's Backbone - Civil war and orphanages again?

You see Del Toro is touted as a horror director, but he is so much more. He brings fairy tales to the screen and that is what this is. A classic ghost story, a haunted tale a beuatiful cinematic experience. You wont be scared but you may be unnerved and you should definetley be moved. Long may this man make movies.

Step Brothers - It's like masturbating in a time machine

Remember in the 80's when they made completely bonkers comedy with SNL regulars like Steve Martin, Chevy Chase and the like. Remember when they stopped doing that and all those comic geniuses got serious or dull. Remember when comedy then had to be full of attractive young teens and have a moral standpoint. Me too. Luckily Ferrells never thought that and John C. Reilly met him and thought hell yeah. Enough, lol lmao lol lmao lol lmao lol lmao lol lmao lol lmao

Old School - Hey there you with the sad face come up to my place and live it up.

Absolutely mental. A simple premise, and what old man wouldn't love to go back to college and just drink and party all night long. Frank the Tank, you can be my hero baby.

Friday, 28 November 2008

Hitman - And Her

There is a time for style over substance and this is it. Classy and cool but completely bonkers. As for Agent 47, "I wanted Jason Statham" or "Vin Diesel would have been better", well shut up kids, Olyphant in the Room. He plays it as well as it should and could have been played. Game imitates movies - movies imitates game. And 'Her' you're right, she is hot.

Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Survivors - Virus, Millions gone, what now??.hmm, Lets Shag..

2 episodes in, what's that smell?? Well it aint just the dead bodies. The cast have got lostus complex 7, the script has stinkus syndrome and the direction, predictablus simplex arse. No wonder Terry Nation took so long to let the beeb get their hands back on his work. I could forgive the PC surival group, the white facist bad guys and even the flat faced girl (still kinda cute) if it wasn't all so.......poo. I LOVED the 70's show, I LOVE apocalyptic drama, I hate the BEEB. Still gonna watch the rest though ;)

Sunday, 23 November 2008

P2 - Cant we just be friends???

Stupid scary stuff?? Nope but quite stylish and visual, and pretty stoopid. Still very watchable and if you turn down the lights and up the sound it'll do the business. Thomas is pretty scary but he's no Mick Taylor :-0

Saturday, 22 November 2008

Thursday - That's my fun day, My I don't have to run day

This is a classic. Well I think so obviously. Hidden from me for far too long. Tinterweb debate thinks the writer/director is a QT psuedonym, but similarities are just that. Comic, bloody, sex(y)(ual), brutal and offensive (from the off). OK the bad guy trying to go straight has been done many times, but never this well. A super cast, TJ in particular, and a great script make this a winner. Too much to say - just watch it, but not on a Thursday, they might get the Wong house.

Thursday, 20 November 2008

Rocky 7 - Wiiiiiii (shewasso) Fit!

OK, there is not another Rocky movie out, but who needs one when you can visit the local amateur boxing, gratis of course. There was fighting and flailing, uppercuts and jabs, Micky, Paulie, Adrienne, chicken chasing and meat bashing. Alright, there wasn't any meat bashing, but maybe later 'cos that numbers girl was well fit. Schwiiiiinnnng!!!!!!!

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Mr Woodcock - Well the titles funny

It just isn't funny, Sean William Scott plays the same role as in The Promotion and Billy Bob plays the same role he's done so many times lately. But it just doesn't work. Some funny moments but few and far and very little else to shout about instead. I don't know, maybe I was just in a bad mood.

Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Alien - Never work for the man!!

An incredibly tense and scary affair. Sci fi horror at it's best. Still stands up today because of it's cast, direction and visuals. Both the Scott brothers know movies. I was 10 when I first saw this and had to take the next day off school. Those BBFC ratings are there for a reason.

Sunday, 16 November 2008

Death Proof - There's something about Vanessa

See I like this film, I don't know ....Vanessa Ferlito... what it is about it I like so much?...Vanessa Ferlito....I think maybe because QT is back with his trade....Vanessa Ferlito... mark dialogue and enticing....Vanessa Ferlito....soundtrack that only he can do. And that amazing.....Vanessa Ferlioto..... car crash, absolutely stunning...Vanessa Ferlito.... what beauty...Vanessa Ferlito....could watch it over and over again. Oh, can I get lap dance...Vanessa Ferlito....?

Thursday, 13 November 2008

Saw V - I,II,III,IV,V everybody in the car so come on let's ride

So we are back, with Jigsaw number V I don't know what we were expecting, none of us could remember what happened in IV. Now I warn you people will die and you will be left thinking that maybe Jigsaw John's engineering prowess could be put to better use. Ooh Aah, that's how it all starts, but then there's running and screaming...and blood and guts and bone.....should I even have to review a fourth sequel, law of diminishing returns and all?????

Monday, 10 November 2008

Sunday, 9 November 2008

Postal - It's a Uwe Boll film??!!?!?%%$?£?"! His best if that swings it for ya!

Never heard of ths VG, but it is one. Should be mad, bad and dangerous to know - well it is, just for the wrong reasons. Only this man can take a shit idea and make it more shitty as opposed to loveable shitty. Moments, but only moments.....oh and bikini girls with guns, oh and he gets killed. Just a film though.

Friday, 7 November 2008

Kenny - Mad as a clown's cock

Kenny cleans up crap, Kenny has a lot to say, Kenny is as funny as shit. Mockumentary masterclass from Oz. If you don't love this one, it could never work between us. Kenny is a legend - what a guy.

Thursday, 6 November 2008

Never Been Kissed - Just like 'Carrie' but for girls

You see every so often this girl appears and I end up watching movies like this. I don't really mind as she's a nice girl and hey, it is Drew Barrymore. Oh...the review, well for girls - Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens, brown pa........
And for the guys - ITS DREW BARRYMORE.

Monday, 3 November 2008

RED - Frank Castle he isn't , but he's still pretty miffed

Brian Cox (legend) in another great film. Perfectly shows how western society today pushes people into seeking their own justice. Small town America might look idyllic but it has the same mindless scum as everywhere else, and this country has guns on tap. Maybe Cox is just the new Connery - The man can't make a bad film.

Tropic Thunder - I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, work the pipes, and swallow the gravy

Pure class. Cleverly apes so many actors, agents, directors and war films without ever really being too obvious. Think Spaced not Scary Movie. The new Team Ameica one feels. Here we go again.....again

Saturday, 1 November 2008

Hot Rod - Too legit to quit

Jesus built my Scooter. It's a love affair. Mainly Jesus and my Hot Rod.

George Michael said 'Listen without Prejudice'. Lorne Michaels said 'Watch without Judas Priest'. Ok that may not be true but it should give an indication of what this film is like. Comedy that the Yanks do best. Watch and learn.

Yeah, Fuck It!

The Orphanage - One, two, three, knock on the wall.... don't, just build a wall and hide behind it because this film is scary. Kids, Orphange, scarecrow, old woman with big glassses, can it be any worse. Turn up the sound to eleven, dim the lights, possible watch with others of a nervous disposition and be prepared to have your tits scared off. This is a game of Simon says that you do not want to play.

First Blood - If you go down to the woods today

Rambo, Stallone, Ugh. Watch it ladies it's one of his best. John J goes on a one man revenge spree, killing and maiming some instantly dislikable cops, hicks and hickcops. Who would have thought that over 20 years later he would be standing for President with one of those very same hicks standing with him as his VP. You crazy Americans.