Rocky IV - If the franchise dies, it dies

Rocky by Numbers :-

1. It's a Cold War political statement
2. There's a fantastic montage
3. It's one long pop video
4. They realised who their audience is
5. Adrian confined to Angelically looking down and just going "Meh!" every so often
6. It's better than III
7. Horrendously dated technology on show
8. It's shit but now it knows it
9. Not as gay
10. Hearts on Fire

Rocky III - Get some Nuts!

Rocky III was the film I missed as a kid.  Therefore I can hold no biased love for the movie......

This is where the franchise becomes nothing more than that. Not so once a remake as a rehash this time.  But everything is aped to the nth degree.  It's more stupid, it's more gay.  It tries to follow the set formula laid down for all future Rocky movies, but it has no heart.  It's got more far too many of the famous Rocky Montage scenes and it's sooooo gay. If it hadn't taken itself so seriously it may have worked.

No Apollo fight.  No Music.  No Point.

Rocky II - He lied about the rematch

Rocky II is not so much a rematch but a remake, a bit like the way Evil Dead 2 was a remake of Evil Dead.  

The action picks up from the end of the first one (as will further sequels) and then the story just repeats itself.  Instead of Rocky being a washed up bum, he's a retired one off super star who vows never to box again. He still can't earn money.  Adrian is still whiny.  Paulie is still a dick. And Apollo Creed is still overly frustrated with everything.  Cue the Rematch.

Of course, none of this is bad as Rocky vs Apollo is the fight to watch, and the music still kicks ass and inspires you with every watch.

Rocky - He doesn't know it's a damn show! He thinks it's a damn fight!

Great Acting, Great fight scenes, Great score, Great Movie.

Rocky is simply fantastic.  How can you not be inspired when that theme kicks in, when he trades punches with Apollo Creed and when he runs up the steps of The Philly Museum of Art.  An awe inspiring Sports movie to be watched by all.

They're ain't gonna be no rematch...

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves - A Tiger? In Africa?

Everything about this film should no longer work.  Everything about this film was pure cheese, even on release, and should never work.  I mean who can forget or is even allowed to forget the god-damn awful associated ballad from Sir Bryan of Adams?  

I'm not sure what the budget was for this film but seeing as Sean Connery got paid close to Marlon Brando fees for 60 seconds screen time I'm assuming it was hefty.  That then does not excuse the awful continuity on screen.  Swords appear and disappear at will, Costner's hair is wet, then dry, then wet, then dry more often than not.  The perspex glass cracking when a soldier gets a crossbow thrown at his face is the best bit.  As for  Costner covering himself in shit about an hour after Marion told him to take a bath, that's the best edit on show.

And while we're on Costner, he really does love himself and thinks he's the dogs.  Was there any need for the nakedness???  NO!!! At least he doesn't try an English accent, but that does mean we are left with his nasally tones instead. As for accents, what is going on with them. Christian Slater's wavering cockney, Morgan Freeman's Indian??? English actors generic English speak.  'You Tosspot'.

So there you have it, I could pick out endless faults with this film, and yet despite them it is still sooo much fun and way more fun than the recent Scott/Crowe effort.  You see the Robin Hood legend is all about fun and a simple story and there is no more simple than this version.  I love it.

Can't sign off without a special mention. Alan Rickman is immense in this film, playing classic Rickman of course, but so what. And THAT tune, just don't bother with the credits.  Sorted :)

The Mechanic - Transporter 4

Generic action movie filmed in a very generic way, right down to the camera distances, pans and drops. I don't slag off Jason Statham as he is a great action movie star and regardless of what some say, he really can carry a movie...........so I'm not gonna say anymore...... Christ, even the sex was straight out the action manual.....

....watch it if you're 10 and have never seen any action movies before.

Let The Right One In - Or stay in and watch something else

You're supposed to like this little Swedish vampire flick from 2008.  But I just didn't get the hype. In fact I looked a little like the picture above, the blood coming from head butting the wall with boredom.  Trouble is,  it's a bit dull, that and the fact that it's marketed as a horror film when really it's a fairytale for kids that wouldn't be able to stay awake through it. I'm sure that I've missed something, but it's not that I can't enjoy European cinema.

I would save you the boredom and link the awesome swimming pool scene as it is rather good, but I can't find an embedded code.  The US remake of this got me excited for once, but unfortunately it's almost scene for scene remake.

The Life of Brian -Which car company do you work for?

I'm not one to comment on current affairs (Ahem :/ ), but today's ruling by the ECJ over insurance policies and gender is almost the most stupidest yet. I say almost, as it could never be more stupid than the small minded "I'm alright Jack" comments that have greeted it.  Ironic, as they will not be. Like Insurance companies are not doing everything for their own benefit anyway.  Have you ever wondered why a billing company spends more money on chasing your owed pennies than the pennies are worth?

Anyway, this is a movie blog and today's events just made me think of the following. 

This :)

And this :)



Crazy ass world we live in.

The Sound of Music - According to Steve Jobs

So I'm bored, sitting on the bus on the way home, and decided to listen to my iPods top 25 most played songs. Surprisingly I didn't make it through all of them, but out of the 18839 tracks (all the mp3 tracks of any kind that I own are on my iPod), this is The 25 :-

Last chance for a Serenade - Audrey Horne (Superb Opener)

Down with the Sickness - Disturbed

Sun It Rises - Fleet Foxes

White Winter Hymnal - Fleet Foxes

Welcome to the Jungle - Guns N' Roses

Pioneer to the Falls -Interpol

Futures - Jimmy Eat World

Escape form New York - John Carpenter

Spaceman - The Killers

Sam's Town - The Killers

Enterlude - The Killers

Sex On Fire -Kings Of Leon

The Last Day on Earth - Maryilyn Manson

Metallica - For Whom The Bell Tolls

Time To Pretend - MGMT

Blue Sky Mine - Midnight Oil

Home Sweet Home - Motley Crue

Cowboys From Hell - Pantera

Down With The Sickness - Richard Cheese (Also on my awesome zombie playlist :)

Red Queen - Resident Evil Soundtrack (Opens an Awesome playlist lasts about 2 seconds???)

Tell Me It's Not Over - Starsailor

Death - White Lies

To Lose my Life - White Lies

A Place to Hide - White Lies

Unfinished Business - White Lies (Ironic I feel)

So there you have it.  Unsure how only 6 songs from my oft listened to 30 strong Zombie playlist make it on the top 25, but I guess I get through the start more often than the end. That may also explain the White Lies top tunes appearing on there too. Good job I get most of my soundtrack listening done via Spotify.

I kind of like this feature, I will return to it after a few more months.  Unfinished Business.

Hard Target - Stay off the radar

Part one of my JCVD revisited double bill began with this little number from the early 90's.  I've never been a fan of Van Dame as he is just a vacuous actor who has zero charisma even for inhabited world of the action hero.  That said, I had fond memories of two of his films, Hard Target being one, Timecop the other.

Good Things - John Woo, Lance Henriksen, Arnold Vosloo

Bad Things - Pretty much the rest.

John Woo's action direction works in his HK flicks but his ability to carry emotion has always been a little suspect.  This film has all his trademarks, but the slo-mo, the cheesey music and the sickly emotion are not helped by JCVD's total inability to carry a movie.  Coupled with a bad mullet, studio interference, a shocking Wilford Brimley's accent (I hate Wilford Brimley in everything but The Thing and he even annoys me in that) and Woo's trademark bad stunt doubles and you have a cringe worthy watch once movie.  How could you not find a stunt double with a mullet in the US of A???

IMDb Link

War - What is it good for?

An 80's action Movie with modern day production values.  Jet Li kicks ass and stuff blows up.  What more do you want for this kind of film?  It's not going to be watched with nostalgia in 20 years but then neither is JCVD. 

It plays the old switcheroo in the storyline and it got 'The Stath' too.  And he only loses his Yank accent once,

"Stop Fackin' shooting"

Christmas With The Kranks - Frosty the Bastard

Far funnier than it gets credit for. It never really hits full speed but Obsessive American Neighbourhoods are always a going to be a good setting for a seasonal Movie. Typically, it's a tricky line to make these films appealing to all given the limits of the story, But this film never feels like it's retreading 'old ground' and the Xmas smaulch never hangs around on screen for too long.

A worthy addition to the annual Christmas film fest with a great soundtrack to boot.

Trading Places - It wasn't heroin, it was angel dust - PCP and I never touched it. ...

Classic Christmas comedy with Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy when they were hilarious. Could almost be a family film if it wasn't for the totally unnecessary topless shots and F-bombs dropped in now and again. But without them it wouldn't be half as funny.

Die Hard - Now I Have A Machine Gun Ho - Ho - Ho

The film that changed the action Genre forever in so many ways! Even adding an action hero that could crack jokes, be a hero, and ... well, 'act.' It also showed that bad guys are best portrayed by European actors as you can never take a fronting Yank completely seriously as a bad guy.

I've seen this film so many times I can't even remember. What did I learn this time???? Well, Hans Gruber seems to have compiled a healthy Dossier on Mr Takagi that would put the Encyclopedia Britannica to shame. He does seem to have neglected to insert a photo though :/

A Christmas classic. Got you viewing in this year yet???

The Island - Mike's place

A genuinely great Michael Bay film. Will wonders never cease??? It's infected with his bungee cord attached camera work, but spending a lot of time underground does seem to contain him.

Ewan McGregor plays the discontented man in a near future scifi flick where a group of Nike clad well mannered and healthy individuals eagerly await their future on 'The Island'. A little of Logan's Run and a slice of THX1138 help give this some weight, along with some dependable acting from McGregor, Sean Bean and Djimon Hounsou. And for most of the movie runtime this is engaging if a little predictable.

Alas, as soon as it breaks out, Mr Bay gets his dirty OTT action* directional mitts on it and we have some ridiculous action, crazy fighting and lots of running until it all ends in a Polyphonic Spree video. Still, I like it.

*(OTT action is usually great and always was until Michael Bay)