Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Orphan - If you weren't trying to cash in on a superior Spanish movie with the title then I forgive you for that....

....but, oh for the love of God! ( A term I shall be using more often as I have been watching The Tudors too much) what were you aiming for? the small number of people who will never have seen this kind of by the numbers affair before.

The film starts with an unnecessarily cold, bloody and shallow beginning, very reminiscent of The Fly II for me. Not a great recommendation and not exactly dragging me in for the post intro fare to come. Ironically the rest of the film doesn't really follow along the lines of the opening gore, preferring in this instance to follow along the psychological horror route albeit with the finesse of J-Horror westernised remake directed by Uwe Boll....on an off day.

So what we have is a recovering alcoholic (not to be believed), who appears to have accidentally almost nearly killed a family member (Definitely not to trusted), a young son who will hate everything immediately (you're so gonna get it), a deaf/mute daughter (see lots of evil, say no evil then) and a an Orphan girl to be adopted into said family (Will be European in American movie to sound more menacing and wear freaky old style clothes to heighten menacing appearance).

And that's what it is. A cliched affair with all the obvious scares laid out by the ordinance survey before they strike, with only the ending being a true surprise as you may not have quite figured it out and even if you did it's a little ickie. I don't like to criticise too much as many horror films are cliched affairs, it's just this one seems to take itself so seriously and really thinks that it's great. Esther, the orphan in question, is definitely scary though, so give it a go and you might get a few jumps. Providing you've never seen a horror movie before that is.

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