Deep Blue Sea - It gets better and better as it gets wetter and wetter

Should I admit to this being the most watched DVD in my collection??? Well it is. Renny Harlin has hit all the right elements for me with this film which means it is a movie that I can put on at any time and in any mindset. This Isn't a Taxi Driver or Apocalypse Now or the latest Foreign Language wire work ballet from Asia, this is pure unadulterated American Popcorn movie fun. So what makes it so good???

1) Its got sharks in it
2) It's tense. Set in the ocean, that's scary enough without the added tension of losing all forms of escape bar swimming.
3) There's no message aside from sharks are bloody dangerous and great movie bad guys
4) It's a low brow action movie that has managed to attract some top draw quality Hollywood actors. Samuel L. Jackson struggles to find bad material or make a film crap. The man oozes class and makes every movie experience 10 times better. Thomas Jane is the modern day Steve Mcqueen. He may be there for the ladies, but he has the charisma too. He's a mans man that any man can appreciate. LL Cool J is there for the comedy side and it's a role he plays so well. Plus he gets some great lines in this. Michael Rappaport is an acting genius and I'll deck anyone who says different.
5) Sandra Burroughs strips to her undies for no real reason apart form lightening the mood.
6) Its got Sharks in it.
7) It's got some great explosions and another Harlin Helicopter crash
8) Its the best underwater escape movie since The Poseidon Adventure (Original of course and I bloody love that film)
9) It's the best goddamn shark movie since Jaws.
10) It's got a big name death and it could not be more shoved in your face to avoid any doubt that it's about to happen if it tried. And that just makes it better.

11) If you can find a movie that smashes an underwater glass viewing panel in a better way then let me know.
12) It couldn't be a more formulaic action movie if it tried. Oh, you think that's bad. Well would you like it if your Cadburys Dairy milk or KFC seasoning tasted different? Well would you?
13) Did I mention the Sharks and Rappaport?

So there you have it. Find it, But it and watch it. If you don't like it then you have forgotten what entertainment is all about.

Avatar - The Last Rainforest

Avatar, Avatar, Avatar.

Avatar is the most over hyped (not overrated) movie in the history of time. You cannot fail to go and see this movie and be let down. I mean it's mean nominated for Oscars. And not just SFX ones. Real ones. Actually that's probably a good thing but it does show you that even the Academy have been swept up in all the hype. I mean it's effectively a sci fi cartoon. What were the chances?? then again District 9 is up to so maybe it's a lean year for their normal boring efforts.

So anyway on with the review of Ferngully. It's all about the 3D element isn't it. I wasn't that impressed, I never have been by 3D, 15 minutes in Disney World maybe. The Spiderman ride (Fecking Awesome) in Universal Islands of Adventure, definitely. But three hours. No way. Maybe it's my eyes. Or maybe it's that the cinemas aren't up to scratch or the 50 pence glasses don't warrant the Billion dollar investment. Like when the latest mobile phone comes with a 15 mega pixel camera but this effectively means bull crap if the lens is shite. Either way I wasn't blown away.

So 3D aside, Dances With Wolves is just an OK film. It's got some great fights, fantastic action, the animation is top notch and ultimately it is another Cameron classic. It's just not the all conquering movie experience it was purported to be. If it wasn't for all the hype re the 3D it wouldn't have become the biggest grossing film ever. People just felt they HAD to go, even if it just meant they could rebuff anyone who said 'well yeah, but you didn't see it in 3D'. I mean I saw some trailers and was in no mood to see it (and that's from a self confessed scifi, Cameron, action, bullshit movie fan). I still felt bullied into going though and spent a tenner for the privilege.

Trouble with all these Last Samurai fanboys though is their fantasies about the Blue Aliens. Yes that's the Blue ANIMATED Aliens. There's sites for you guys cos I think, as they say, It's Big in Japan.

Oh Avatar, how did you do it? I mean, even your movie posters are shite.

I'll still buy it on Blu ray though. What a sucker.

Evil - Canis Canem Edit

What a stunning movie. I was drawn into this movie from the very start. Probably because the opening is so violent and in your face, a bit like Romper Stomper, it let's you know what it's about early on.

It's set in Sweden a few years after the second world war and follows a bad kid with a violent upbringing that gets one more chance to succeed at a boarding school. The reason I mention the war, is that the hierarchy on show here definitely has nods to the Nazis. Using fear, power and violence to get there point across (plus looking a bit preened??), but nowhere near hard enough to carry it off. The main character (Andreas Wilson) is fantastic as the antihero and commands possibly the hardest screen presence I have seen since Ray Winstone's 'Carlin'. You are always waiting for him to kick off and you know his antagonists will not be prepared for that moment. This film reminded me a lot of Scum, in it's setting, authority and damn right nastiness from adolescents. It's easily as powerful as that film remains to this day.

An absolutely brilliant film and one I would recommend to everyone. If you are even slightly thinking about watching it then do so. Immediately!!

Imdb Link

2012 - Noah gets techno savvy

Roland Emmerich returns with another Earth destruction epic. He's used Giant monsters, Aliens and Mother Nature so far and it seems that he can't get enough of that earth bashing stuff. Not sure what he went for this time, I think it was the sun or something, but then I suppose it's not that important as it's all about what he can destroy.

Well this time he destroys just about everything as he seems to be preparing for a Waterworld re-boot. And that's just what he does. These films are all about the visual stupendousness of blowing up the world. Like taking the disaster movies of the seventies and amalgamating them into one big ride at Universal Studios. There is no doubt he is the master of this, but clearly the scripts are stuck firmly in the ass end of hell. There in lies the problem. He has the power to leave me watching in awe as he destroys well known landmarks by the dozen whilst not giving one cahoot about the tens of thousands of people that are dying. Ultimately this leaves me cold to whether any of the characters on screen live or die. As the film clocks in at about 2 1/2 hours there is far too much of this poorly scripted worthless filler.

And there is some fine talent on show if the script was good. Amanda Peet, John Cusack, Danny Glover, Oliver Platt, Thandie Newton are all there for you not to give a stuff about. Although I did think they were all about one step down the ladder from whom he originally wanted,

So there you have it. Long winded shallow disaster epic with some of the greatest visuals you will see this year or probably by 2012. You have to switch off the brain for far far longer than normal but I can hardly call this crap.

 

[ REC] 2 - Yeah, I'm still shitting my pants

[REC] blew me away when I saw it a couple of years ago. In a time when horror movies nowadays seem to be more about shocking and sick imagery than generally scaring the pants off the viewer it was a welcome addition to the genre. So to find out they made a sequel is just fantastic as I thought after the US remake -Quarantine - and the fact that only the US regularly churns out cheap sequels, that it was unlikely to happen.

It picks up straight after where the first one left off and pretty much continues along the same line. Because of this it is never going to shock you as much as the first as you know what to expect, it's even set in the same building as before. So rather than just continuing with the same kind of jumps as before, it adds a lot more to the story that was hinted at at the end of the first.

And it works. The first person camera view drags you in as before and then continually smacks you in the face. Once again, if this doesn't scare you, you're already dead.

 

Shoot 'Em Up - There goes my love rocket red

I really wanted to like this film as it contains all the elements that garner my interest. Cheap plot, crazy violence and Bellucci. But it just comes across as a poor Crank imitation. Unfortunately for the viewer Clive Owen is no Jason Statham. Apart from having a pretty bland name he has about as much charisma as Keanu Reeves after a lobotomy, playing a tree. And in a film like this Charisma is king.

Like I said, it's not all bad and I do want to like it more, it's just that at times, crazy that they are, the set pieces look a little too staged. Skidding under a table like you on a luge doesn't look cool and if you look like you're on a wire, you look like you're on a wire.

That's about all I can say really. Paul Giamatti is the only person on show giving this film some charm. Monica is starting to look like a forty year old actress and even the Henchmen for Hire don't have any redeeming features. In a world without The Stath then this might be better but the guy has made these films his own.

Ninja Assassin - F#ckin' A

Last year or so Sylvester Stallone made another sequel. Not Rocky But Rambo. Not that special to many as action movies had become PG13 rated legitimate teenage movie affairs like most of the supposed horror movies around or they had to have some deep meaningful subtext or twist. Luckily he raised two fingers to that suggestion and gave us some serious 80s violence with new millennium cinematic effects.

Ninja Assassin Carry's on with the new found cinema for glorified violence. Meaningless, plotless and so bloody gloriously violent. Loved every minute from the opening bust up to the crappy song as the credits rolled. It never really lets up (aside from the porn worthy script that links the violence) and for that it should be applauded. If you don't like this type of shallow showcase of violence then fair enough. I on the other hand.......Love It!!!!

Hoorah, at last movies have got back on track and started to become more violent than the video games that had imitated them in the first place. Hmm, video games!! Yes parents, 18 rated games are not for your little kiddies either so get your snout out and let me relish in some pure uncensored ultra violence. It's just a movie.

The Others - Who the what now??

The Others is a great example of real horror movie. It doesn't need gore and it doesn't need violence, it just needs the atmosphere. The Others is creepier than creep from the creepshow in creepy town.

It sets itself up in a Mansion house. Always cold and creepy. Plus it comes up with an excuse for the said mansion house to usually have the curtains drawn and only candle light to break the gloom. Creepy. And that is basically it. I don't think there is any music in this film or if there is it is very infrequent. All it does it use the cold setting, long silences and some loud footsteps and creaky floorboards. But it's better than my description could ever make it and the few actors on show are very very good at what they have to do. A fantastic story from start to finish.

Clifhanger - The comeback king

This was definitely an improvement in the Stallone bankability for me. After giving me some legendary cinema (well video at least) in the early Eighties he had started to turn out some right tosh. Was probably feeling the pressure from Arnie and Willis as a threat to his throne and let's face it, he doesn't deal with that well. Still no excuses for turning out tripe like Oscar and Stop! or my Mom will shoot though. I mean Lock Up and Rocky V were not a sign to give up the genre just re establish yourself. Still, with Cliffhanger he made one of the best movies of its type for the decade and got started to climb back to the top. Hardehar.

Directed by Renny Harlin in his purple patch and carrying some good support in John Lithgow and Michael Rooker, Cliffhanger entertains from start to finish. It's got the easy set up, Sly involved in the death of a mates girlfriend, chucks in job and friends, then comes back, tense atmosphere but luckily a dramatic situation gets them to all pull together. Of course as this is Harlin, by dramatic I mean well OTT. A plane heist, a plane crash and a mountain rescue kick ass adventure. But it's all about the set pieces with Renny and the ones on show here do not disappoint. The plane heist is superb and the red copter still stands out as one of the best copter scenes in the movies. Before this I'm sure we had to do with helicopters disappearing before an inevitable explosion. Hell, we had to wait for The Matrix to better it.

So, if you're ready for Renny's corny dialogue and camp villains on the basis of all the great violence you're gonna get then you're ready for Cliffhanger. Hell, you'll even be ready to accept Eastenders Dan as the nasty English Hardman.

Fantastic 4 : Rise of the Silver Surfer - Actually, a docudrama about 70s on the web would have been more fun to watch

Every so often a Superhero movie comes out that redefines the genre, or maybe just places the genre within a different genre there buy not given us a new genre but merely an adaptation of the existing genre or maybe of the other genre. Either way, it usually makes you sit back and go 'WOW!' Like the original Tim Burton Batman with all it's Gothic imagery and dark characterisation, adult themes and lack of spandex. Of course, with great success comes great irresponsibility, and in the movie world that means shovelling numerous inferior sequels and imitations down the throats of your insatiable shallow audiences until even they throw up on the putrid excess and lack of substance that you have dragged from the pit of poor comic pulp. Yes, Comics (or Graphic Novels if you think it affects your sex life (I don't think it will make a blind bit of difference but may affect your standing in Starbucks I suppose)) like books can have bad stories too. And we don't really need to have a 2 hour movie made from the expanded issue 412 of Spiderman, in which Peter Parker had met Doctor Octopus who had come across The Hulk earlier in the day and had happened to mention that he saw Thor in a cafe talking to Mr Metamorphoses who had said he was going into town that afternoon. Hmmmm, what mysterious adventure was he going to have??? Maybe we could make a film about it.

I guess what I mean is that for Every Batman and Batman Returns, we get Batman Forever and Batman And Robin (mind you even that can entertain more than this) oh and Ghostrider too. Booooooooo!

So there you are. The Fantastic Four sequel is shite. Now that maybe not a great revelation to many of you as you probably thought the first one was too. But I kind of liked it. As for the sequel though, it's shite. Chris Evans is annoying and shite. The welsh bloke (insert phlegm name here) is irritatingly annoying and shite. The Thing is soo annoying and shite.(Did this man star in one of the finest dramas on TV??? Lets hope he doesn't go down the Nic Cage route of wasted talent cash whore) and Jessica Alba is sickly sweet and annoying and shite, and I don't care how attractive she may be 'cos I own Into the Blue. The only saving grace is The Silver Surfer himself who is kinda cool, but even he cant save this from feeling like A big budget humourless remake of Star Trek IV. And such comparisons should never have to be made.

In fact this is so Shite that I expect a second sequel is already in production.

Orphan - If you weren't trying to cash in on a superior Spanish movie with the title then I forgive you for that....

....but, oh for the love of God! ( A term I shall be using more often as I have been watching The Tudors too much) what were you aiming for? the small number of people who will never have seen this kind of by the numbers affair before.

The film starts with an unnecessarily cold, bloody and shallow beginning, very reminiscent of The Fly II for me. Not a great recommendation and not exactly dragging me in for the post intro fare to come. Ironically the rest of the film doesn't really follow along the lines of the opening gore, preferring in this instance to follow along the psychological horror route albeit with the finesse of J-Horror westernised remake directed by Uwe Boll....on an off day.

So what we have is a recovering alcoholic (not to be believed), who appears to have accidentally almost nearly killed a family member (Definitely not to trusted), a young son who will hate everything immediately (you're so gonna get it), a deaf/mute daughter (see lots of evil, say no evil then) and a an Orphan girl to be adopted into said family (Will be European in American movie to sound more menacing and wear freaky old style clothes to heighten menacing appearance).

And that's what it is. A cliched affair with all the obvious scares laid out by the ordinance survey before they strike, with only the ending being a true surprise as you may not have quite figured it out and even if you did it's a little ickie. I don't like to criticise too much as many horror films are cliched affairs, it's just this one seems to take itself so seriously and really thinks that it's great. Esther, the orphan in question, is definitely scary though, so give it a go and you might get a few jumps. Providing you've never seen a horror movie before that is.

Edtv - 57 channels and there's got to be something on

So I can't sleep. Get up, and browse the internet and switch on the TV. Watch a bit of the winter Olympics on BBC and then when that finishes, up pops the Ceefax selection of pages and the killer background music. How can this still exist??? What purpose does this TXT system now serve and is the facility not due to disappear when the analogue signal switches off??? In the time of HD satellite, 1000's of channels, 50 inch plasma TV's, Big Brother ,press the red button now interactivity, feesat, freeview, dancing on ice, digital switchover, Internet downloads, torrentTV, Justin TV, get me out of here and iPlayer who is interested in this. Everyone has the Internet, and if they don't then I'm damn sure they don't feel the need for a slow information digest like this. In fact they probably don't want to know anything

This ran for an hour this morning. If you want to go off air, then go off air. I think I'd rather look at this at least it might stimulate somekind of emotion. Fear maybe. Mental!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Butterfly Effect - Flap wings, Earthquake, Japan and all that shit

Love this movie. Gets a bit of a bum ride from some corners but if you take it at face value then it's simple entertainment. An easy suspense/thriller/scifi movie that can be watched at anytime. You get comedy, drama, excitement all rolled into what is effectively a very light story. Okay, so the abuse undertones may or probably did put a few off, but it's no more than a tool to move the story along and is not lingered on or even shoved under your nose as it's not what the film is about. Time travel is the theme as the title should have indicated to you and you don't mess with that mother, trust me. Kutcher plays the lead role well (he just lightens the movie) and the supporting cast are just as worthy. And the soundtrack is superb.

A bit like Frequency, the Dennis Quaid movie in style and content for me. But at least that movie didn't spawn 2 lesser sequels. Okay I've not seen them both but Internet debate is not encouraging me to rush out and do so. I caught the start of the first sequel and even Erica Durance couldn't keep me watching. I'm informed that the third movie is better (than the second), but that's what people say about the Starship Troopers sequels. Well being better than a complete Turd is not exactly raising the bar.

Oh and a word of advice. There is a Directors cut of this film that has a different ending. Don't watch it, or at least not first. The Theatrical ending is just better. Hollywood got it right for once.

Pontypool - I wouldn't believe your wireless radio

So onto the zombie drama that is and isn't. I really liked this film. Very little happens outside the environment of one room and the involvement of a handful of characters, but it is done really really well. To a level that keeps the viewer engrossed. The clever (I always say clever. I just mean decent, engaging, well lit, not just point and shoot) camera work, the solid acting and the flowing story always had me on edge to what was coming next. The idea of how the zombie virus is spread is where the story will create debate and give the film a longevity (not me I thought it was bonkers :) but this is still a solid little movie performance regardless.

I enjoyed this much more than Paranormal Activity. Are they similar?? Well to me they are as there are very few characters, very little really happens and the trailers would have pulled in some very disappointed viewers. But I love zombie movies in all shapes and sizes so this wins out. Trailer, trailer trailer......

Dark City - We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.....

Dark City is a strange one. Good film, Intelligent script and original Ideas (at least to me), but still difficult to pin down. Therefore 'Period Scifi' is the label I shall give it.

The story focuses on a group of aliens who are on earth to study Human reaction. To do this they constantly change the environment and situations using a skill they call 'Tuning'. The Aliens themselves are pretty good Richard O'Brienesq (as he is one) looking creatures. Although when they are all together in the same room, they do appear to be a cross between Hellraisers Cenobites and Toy Story's Green Aliens. 'Tear my soul apart OOOOOHHHH!'

The setting is very sterile and grim to look at and kind of reminded me of a less colourful Dick Tracey. At the time it's look reminded me of The Matrix in that I was thinking that that film did it better or even looked better, so was interesting to read afterwards that the same sets may have been used in places. And where as in the Matrix we have Neo as the link between cultures, in this film we have "John". More indication then that this film didn't quite have the budget let alone the Kung Fu of that film.

All in all, a clever film, for fans of Blade Runner, Brazil, Matrix, Meaning of Life, City of Lost Children, Time Bandits (it's really just the way the buildings change that is making me quote Gilliam/Monty Python movies)