Wanted - Office Space just went kick ass

Crazy ass stunts and Anarchic comic book humour. This a film for the 'post Lucas Movie Audience' for sure. The opening Assassin scene. WOW. The train crash. Crash???? Does that play it down some what. Add to that some Angelina and Exploding rats and there is little wrong for me. Okay.......................................

.........so the plot is a bit bonkers, but then the Minority Report had that machine that dropped Balls and that was Spielberg. So who cares if they have a magic loom. Oh and did I mention the exploding rats??? I'm not a huge fan of Batman Returns but I can appreciate Penguins with rocket launchers. Exploding rats people!!!!!

The Family Man - F***ing Nic Cage

Yeah it's a nice story. Yeah it's a feel good-ish movie. Yay!!! It's set at Christmas. I even like the 'It's a Wonderful Life' undertones. But come on, Bloody Nic Cage. How much more of his over the top performances do I have to endure just cause I want to watch a film. Sodding Nic Cage. I used to like him. He even manages to put in the stupid expression and dance around moves into a bloody Xmas film. "Er we need a man to dance round like a prat in his underwear. Cruise doesn't do that now does he??? Ok, can we get Cage?".

Early stuff I like, but since Con Air, he's lost credibility. And he seems to show four signs constantly so maybe I should get him to hold his arms in the air to confirm.

The Muppet Christmas Carol - Please Sir! Are there any more?

Everyone knows the Dickens Classic and everyone has their favourite version. This isn't mine, but it still does well enough to keep your attention. If you like the Muppets then you can't fail to enjoy this but give me the Patrick Stewart version any day. The story plays better if it's a little bit darker.

The Prestige - Your a magician not a wizard

More period Drama. This time featuring turn of the century dueling magicians. A lavish affair bought to us by Chris Nolan and with his CV you know you're in for a treat. Strong acting stunning visuals and the expected twist. I didn't spot it. The sleight of hand is in the story telling as well. That's what gives the film repeat viewing for me and I have seen it a few times. There's even a bit of Steam Punk in there to broaden the audience appeal.

Brotherhood Of The Wolf - All Things to All People

Show me the wolf! Show me the wolf! This movie has everything, from it's costumes to the grueling bleak landscapes. It's got action, kick ass action from Mark Dacascos no less. It's like the Matrix found a better time line to hang out in. Horror, atmos'fear' and Wolves. And it's in French. Classic French though so no OTT Teenage angst from troubled Parisians. If you have a few hours to spare and want to be enthralled you could do far worse. A Stunning film.

Journey to the Centre of the Earth - Don't Stop Believing

What can you say about this classic? It's rock buffoonery that traverses the bad cheese that's good. It's apparently the most downloaded song ever. It was Spoofed/Homaged to perfection by Family Guy. And of course it was butchered by The X Factor - As all is.

But the best comment I ever heard about it was that it apparently sounds like a Kings of Leon Song. After I had laughed out loud and re sown my sides together, I thought, 'you know, perhaps it would be worth them knocking out a cover'

The Art Of War - Stop your nonsense

Yeah. It's not all films.

As the battle of the Xmas number 1 'Rages' (I thank You) on between RATM and Joke Factor. As we have to listen to endless news commentary and poor journalism on the whole affair without really getting to the fact of why it's been done. As I buy my first single in about 10 years. As even the weather comes up as a factor in the outcome (only in Britain).

Well the 23:59 :59 closing time approaches, what do I think??? What do you think??? Who cares, this is still the best Xmas song ever!!!!!!

Lethal Weapon - That's a real badge, I'm a real cop and this is a real firing gun

Just like presents, Xmas movies come in all shapes and sizes. This action classic from '87 is pretty close to genre perfection to me. Especially if Xmas Action movie is a genre. The 80s spawned the Big Budget Comedy/thriller/actioner (usually with it's poorer sequels in tow), see Beverly Hills Cop & Die Hard for the other family members, a special era. It's funny because at times this film seems dated, but then you realise that it's just been imitated so many times, (even on TV shows nowdays) that maybe it's been diluted for the modern audience. But when the key action scenes kick in even the most jaded movie goer can't help but be amazed.

Gibson in one of his top 3 roles for me (Mad Max and William Wallace being the others) and Danny Glover just uniquely 'Danny Glover'. They definitely do not make them like this anymore and cinema is poorer for it. And maybe the TV edited showing is too :-)

Gremlins - Uh Oh!!!

Cute pets, classic 80s cast, anarchic comic book violence and comedy genius. Joe Dante, Chris Columbus, Steven Spielberg and Jerry Goldsmiths classic score to boot. I can't tell you much about Gremlins, but if you have never seen it then your missing out. Spawned thousands of poor imitations that could never match the blend and appeal of this Christmas treat.

800 Bullets - A Fistfull of Steel

A sneaky little effort that I decided to watch and was glad I did. Follows the story of a group of ex stuntman that stared in some of the spaghetti westerns of the sixties. Still scraping a living doing stunt shows for tourists, their lively hood is threatened when their working home is sold to developers. From then on it follows a similar mould to Hollywood underdog stories but with at least one scene that would never make it in those films.

It's funny and knows it's source material with the only complaint being that it's about 30 minutes too long.

Silmido - During the War....

Another Korean flick, this time a War movie based on a true event in the North/South Korean history. It's a little like Dirty Dozen without the humour. South Korea trains up an elite unit made of criminals facing the death penalty for a mission to assassinate the commander of the North. Things don't go as planned and politics intervenes to put the mockers on the whole affair, much to the detriment of the said criminals.

It's a well acted low budget affair without the big explosions of Taegukgi and Assembly and is much the more depressing for it. But given the fact that it really happened, that is probably the idea. Brutal viewing.

Sons Of Anarchy - John the Revelator

Season 2 is nearing the end. One more episode to air. It's been a hoot, the best thing on TV at the moment. Henry Rollins is in this season, adding to a great cast that already included, Hellboy, Leela and the young gay kid from Queer as Folk. Chuck in the Bikes, the girls, the guns, the crime and the family and the mix is complete. Check it out, It's Shakespearean don't you know.

Monster - Will and Grace

What a dull movie. It's about Americas first female serial killer and is incredibly dull. Charlize is scarily ugly and girlfriend Riccis' head is now more egg shaped than ever. It's kind of weird standpoint for the viewer as the violence never feels 'violent' and it seems we should feel sorry for her. But I don't cos she was minging and I felt more sorry for her customers even before she had killed them.

Timeline - Much like their records, seemed like a good deal....

Ironic that this is from the same author as Jurassic Park, as at times the cast feels like they were the seconds from that classy number. It's worth a watch probably once, if only for Anna Friel. But there are things to note before you jump in :-

1) Bad time travel films always have me questioning every plot hole whilst I'm being bored.

2) Paul Walker can only be himself, so putting him anywhere but West Coast America as a bratty 20 something narcissist is not going to work.

3) Billy Connolly is a fine man, a fine actor and a fantastic stand up. But when did you ever see him in an unmissable movie?

4) Tight camera shots are great when you're watching a film about being trapped in a cave or a space ship. Otherwise they can feel like a TV show.

5) I don't like BBCs Robin Hood. Do you??

6) Jurassic Park, Westworld, Andromeda Strain...................Congo, Sphere, 13th Warrior.

7) If you have ever seen The One Show and that Scottish bloke who likes history then Gerard Butlers character is pretty much ruined for you. If he was any good in the first place.

Make your own judgement.

Paranormal Activity - Don't Don't Don't Don't Don't believe the Hype.

The new Blair Witch. Well Maybe, on the basis that there is no benefit to watching this on the big screen. Scary??? Probably, if you watch it in the dark and then go to bed when it's finished. Oh , and as long as you haven't seen the trailer. That's the main difference with the Blair Witch comparison as that film had a carefully worked Internet campaign and back story to drag you in before the movie. This film just has a trailer that clips all the best bits of the film (shockingly so).

I'm OK with the subtext but let's get some perspective. Close...but no cigar.

Zombieland - Killer of the Year

I know I'm not gonna knock a zombie movie, but trust me, this one really is worth your time. I read a book a few years ago called 'The Zombie Survival Guide' and I like to think that the writers and directors of this gem read it as well. The funniest zombie movie since Shaun of the Dead. High praise indeed. But too few movies can hit the comedy horror nail on the head like these two movies have. Laughs gore and suspense it would seem are difficult things to master.

Woody Harrelson is back in the good books. I'm not sure he ever went away - Semi Pro anyone??? Plus we have a new young American in Jesse Eisenberg. All the cast are brilliant, and a cameo by Bill Murray, really picks the film up mid way.

I hope for a sequel. Until then, I will just keep humming 'For Whom The Bell Tolls' everyday and see those opening credits in my head. 'It's the fattys that go first'. Legendary

Bernard and The Genie - Dicks lost gem

I first saw this back in the 90s. 1991 I guess, as to my knowledge it has never been repeated since (Damn Royalties). It's comedy that only Richard Curtis can write (smaulchy, but overall, rewarding) and possibly Lenny Henrys last great performance (Harsh). I used to watch my VHS copy every Xmas but that disappeared after about 5 years. Then followed a quest for either a DVD or a reshowing. Two things that didn't materialise for over 10 years. Still the second most expensive DVD I ever bought, and when received, just like watching my taped off the TV VHS, all wear and tear in place :-/

Still I digress. Simply put, if you can locate a copy, or better still, badger the BBC to show it again, then sit down with the family and have a watch. Brilliant!!!!

Reindeer Games - I had better sex in prison

Reindeer games is a strange movie. The strangest things about it are the fact that it is A) A Ben Affleck Movie and B) Quite good. It's a twisting thriller of a movie with some great action sets and some inspired dialogue. It may be a bit too long and have a few too many twists, but I can forgive it. The Xmas connection ensures repeat viewing from me and even if it didn't, the Santa shoot out is worth it alone. Ignore your preconceived ideas of Ben and give it a go.

Zombies Zombies Zombies - Clearly the best trailer ever

Classic. They don't do 'em like this anymore. And I never made that 28 days later link before either. Mr Boyle, not a zombie movie my arse.

Night of the Living Dead - They're coming to get you Barbara

The film that started it all. For me at least. Scared the bejebus out of me when I first saw it, alone, late at night, the lights down low. Wooah! 'What the fuck is going on?' Gripped from the start to the finish, even if the voiceover woman did try to ruin the bleak ending for me. Hmm, started my hatred for amateurs as well then.

This is a powerhouse of a movie that still hits home today. That's because of the social commentary running throughout the film. George is a lover of that in his movies. Even if you don't want to see or hear it, it's very being there makes the horror the better for it. I have seen this film so many times (along with the other 2 of the preferred 'Trilogy of the Dead') and it never loses a thing. Zombies man, they are freaking scary!!!!!!!

Doghouse - Buy 'em a bicardi brezzer and they'll ride ya like sea bisciut!

Another Brit Horror snoops under my radar. And a bloody zombie movie as well. Crazy ass zombie birds after the blood of cockney boys on a weekend jolly. Danny Dyer plays Danny Dyer in film number ......24? Excellent. That means Blood, guts, comedy, craziness, zombies, Scantily glad zombies, sex mad zombies, best zombies since Zombie Strippers and Danny Dyerisms - love it! Just don't forget your beer and sense of humour.

Day of the Dead - Hi Bud

The Dawn of the Dead remake from 2004 was a fantastic remake that along with Shaun of The Dead helped bring my favourite horror genre back to the mantle. Is 'Day' up there with those two??? Is it a really really bad movie?? No and yes would be the simple answers. Let's face it, it's not exactly just jumped on the zombie resurgence bandwagon but it is clinging hold of the bumper with it's rotting fingers.

Not as bad as I feared, but stupid circus freak zombies (running out of ideas must reinvent bizarre mutants in the style of Alien and Predator diminishing sequels) did kind of put me off. Stupid characters, badly miscast, with a silly story and cheap looking finale set don't help either. But then this is a simple zombie movie with lots of gore and at that level it worked.

Soldiers, Doctors and Bud. That is probably the only excuse for borrowing the tile of Georges 85 classic.

Run Fat Boy Run - Jog On

Formulaic. Is that the right word. Yep some laugh out loud moments and as it's a comedy we should expect nothing less. But the rest of this follows all the cliched moments of a feelgood comedy. Probably brilliant if you have never seen one before. Alas I have.

Simon Pegg you can do better. Dylan Moran you can do soooo much better. David Schwimmer.........probably not

Twilight - What do I do now?

This was the big movie of the year ..right?? It's the new thing, the whole shebang, books and shit,....right??? Well maybe I'll watch it one day, but it's been on in the background for the last hour and nothing has made me look up from my laptop. Go figure.

District 9 - Click Click Boom

Love Alien Nation??? Love this movie. Humour, action and horror (things blow up, it's great) mixed together in a melting pot of glorious low to medium rare budget. Not quirky, not geeky, just great.

Fred Claus - Many Happy Returns

Xmas viewings started early this year. So a revisit to Fred Claus was on the cards. It's not bad, I kinda said that before. Does it take itself too seriously or was I taking it too seriously???? Maybe it was me. Vince Vaughan plays typical VV and that's a plus if you like him (I do). Some classic scenes such as the Santa fight, the Superman Cloak and the Siblings Anonymous meeting make this a rewatchable film. Bah Humbug, 'tis the season to be jolly.

Oh yeah, still don't get the Banks part, but not complaining :)

Dog Soldiers - We need guns, big fuckin' guns

Can't beat a good bit of British horror. Neil Marshalls big screen debut smashes into your face with a group of likeable OTT British soldiers and the odd resident of the full moon. Sean Pertwee (legend) and the ever dependable Kevin McKidd make sure the horror-humour-tension aspect works without losing it's way. Marshall really knows his films, horror especially, and once again (yep I know it's the first but I reviewed the other two already) he takes them and reworks them in this piece. Buffs will pick up on the odd reference, and that's never a bad thing.

For every Dead Snow and Doomsday there's a Doghouse and The Cottage. This falls into the former for me. It's not about Big budget or Low Budget, it's abou using the budget.

The Descent - Chick with Picks

The Descent is one hell of a scare fest from the new British master of such things, Neil Marshall. So similar except so different to his previous - Dog Soldiers. Can't say nothing about it as don't want to ruin it. So, if you like Horror, Alien, Apocalypse Now, Deliverance, darkness and having your pants scared off then watch this. Preferably with the sound up and the lights down low...

Eight Legged Freaks - I love westerns

Laughs, scares, stupid plot, no pauses and a 90 minute run time. That should be the formula for all B movie Horrors. This one manages to do all that and have some pretty good CGI spideys....and some funny ones too.

Dr No - Blame the government

James Bond without the flair. James Bond without the Gadgets. James Bond without the cheese. James Bond without the Gir.....maybe not. James Bond where it all began..ish (pedants go away). What we have here is a good little spy thriller that You know is JB, just not the JB you remember. Mind you any Bond without Roger, without Dalton and without early Brosnan is gonna be good. All hail the original and the best.....Mr Connery.

Looks great on Blu as well....

Bring It On - The Guilty Pleasure

Brilliant!!! From the opening song to the final credits. I love this movie. Bold! Bright! Brash! A non stop laugh fest with plenty of other bonuses on the way. Of course this may be a view held only by me and spotty teenagers, but I don't care cos it's great. It never takes itself seriously (unlike another of my favourites - Stomp The Yard - which I also piss myself at every watch) and that's why I find it sooo funny. Everyone must have had painful faces at the end of this as they have to keep that fake smile on the entire film. My jaws were aching for sure. Watch it you losers!!!!!

Man With The Screaming Brain - Bruce is back in the room

After the disaster that was Alien Apocalypse I decided to site through another of The Mighty Bruce *TM movies. Phew!!! This was more like it. B movie campeness from the Master of such things. The laughs were present this time and the story flowed from A to B in harmony. Nudge Nudge Wink Wink. Love It!!!

Of course not all of you will think this and will probably dismiss it as Crap! So, for the undecided, watch the trailer and go from there.

Alien Apocalypse - The Dream is Over

Words cannot describe how bad this is. Even the almighty Bruce cannot save it. The poster is probably the best thing about the movie.

Youngblood - The Home of the Grave

Popped out on Saturday night to see The Bristol Pitbulls. Pro Ice Hockey returns to Bristol for the first time in 16 years apparently. Always liked to watch and PlayStation a bit of NHL over the years so it was nice to be able to see a local game of this fantastic sport.

The Pitbulls were playing the Cardiff Satans (I kid you not, nice peeps the Welsh) and so we turned up about 30 minutes before Face off. Advised by the ticket lady to sit behind the goal for the best view. Hmmm, this is Bristol Ice rink. It's the only view and even this one isn't much cop. Anyway watching the Satans warm up was the most terrifying experience of recent times. I know that the puck does leave the rink from time to time during a match. But this is rare and usually your only watching one puck at a time. In warm up it's a about 30 of them and as with Hockey, an uncontrolled hit can send that missile anywhere. When the first puck landed by my feet I was on my guard. A few of their players even aimed a couple over the barriers (nice peeps the Welsh). Anyway no injuries.

The game itself though is top notch to watch in the flesh. Fast, committed, violent. It's all of these things and more and Bristol should be glad they have a team to watch. They also won which was a bonus. A pretty tight and nervy game, with tensions rising in both teams. Good to see a bit of fighting before the end as well. That's what Ice Hockey is all about.

Good value as well at £6 for adults and £3 for kids. That's about 3 hours entertainment. Local Football could learn something. Of course how long it will last in Bristol is down to support I think. There were enough people in to create an atmosphere but I fail to see how far the sport can go in Bristol. Bristol Ice Rink you see is a shit hole. If you haven't been there for about 30 years then there is no need to get nostalgic about the place. It is exactly the same with 30 more years of wear and tear.

The success of any sport is based on it's support. I just don't know where anymore support will be able to sit and support in this venue. A real Shame for a city the size of Bristol. But then how many times do we say this about anything in this City. Exactly who does it cater for???

Bristol Pitbulls 1 - Bristol Ice Rink 0

Oh I didn't mention the playing of the National Anthems. People actually stood up. I didn't because it felt weird, but more importantly I don't recognise that as the English National Anthem. But another time......

Starship Troopers - You wanna live forever?

Allegations into this films political stance are numerous. Fascism, Militarism, Utopianism and Racism to name a few. Satire never seems to come up though does it. Doesn't end in ism I suppose. It's a shame that people can't just watch it as it's meant to be, a bit more innocently. A full on Battle-tastic bug splatting guts exploding adventure........with boobs! It's Verhoeven and he knows his audience. He did direct Showgirls though and that kind of ruined Saved By The Bell for me.

Scanners - That one scene doth not a film make

I really really really still wanted to like this film. In my head was that one scene that I'd paused and rewound on VHS so many times as kid. Hell, it's not like it was boobs :/. But that scene is pretty much all it is. The rest is pretty laughable. So much so that a comedy remake must be on the cards. It would work.

Hold on. Michael Ironside is in it. I love It!!!

The Departed - That Infernal Hollywood

Great Film!!! Comes off as a bit of a poor mans Goodfellas at times to me, but then this is probably to do with the music cues and maybe because of the Directors style. Hardly gonna slag off Scorcese though am I?????? Yeah. Oooooooh the undercover cop is going deep deep deep undercover. Oh god!!! He fell off the roof! No surprises are there Hollywood as anyone worth their salt had seen the original. Maybe not a reason to judge a movie but then remake it after 20 years to give us time to forget. At least Marky Mark rocks in his role as foul mouthed Copper though.

Very Bad Things - Cure for The Hangover

A dark comedic masterpiece. Very dark at times. Amazed that it can even make you laugh, but then some of the comedy moments are so 'line crossing' in execution that it's not difficult as the tension has built up so much that the release is needed. Was that a good description??? Who knows. The key ingredient for me. Cameron Diaz. You know she is this self centered and determined in real life. Wouldn't want to meet her in a dark alley......or would I :)

Major league - In the comedy world

One of my favourite 80s comedy movies. Has all the right elements to stay fresh. Great actors, good humour and simple story where you know the 'freaks' will come out on top. Keep the comedy, drama and smaulch in a mix all through the film and it will stand the test. Still love watching it today. Not sure that many modern day comic movies will have me saying that in 20 years.

Wolf Creek - I taut I saw a Puddy Tat

Sadistic, violent and unnecessarily gory is what you say when a horror film is unreal and unbelievable. Unfortunately this film is far too real and all too believable. Three tourists and one 'happy, lovable' Aussie encourage you to not quit your job and go backpacking across the Outback. If you want to be scared then watch this. I did and I'm staying put.

Natural City - Androids and Sheep

Weird Plot. Wooden Acting. Lot's of other throwaway comments. A Korean Scifi flick that is far too much like Blade Runner in story and visuals for it's own good. Hang fire on the neon and rain guys. Just because you have noodle bars in Korea, doesn't mean you can just rip the scene straight from the film.

Highlander - There should have been only one

Highlander rocks! Simple. It's dated, looks TV Movie at times and it jumps to conclusions too quickly. But that's only the bad bits, the good stuff reigns for longer screen time. It's a shame it spawned so many sequels that just seem to contain the bad bits of the first.

What you have here is a simple fantasy love story that is heavy on the sword slashing kilt wearing head chopping action. All topped off by a rocking soundtrack by Queen. You could probably drop the 'fantasy love story' angle as well if you're not trying to get the girlfriend to watch it.

I have seen this movie so many times and under so many incarnations and this time the revisit was in Blu Ray. Wow! Stunning! I saw things in this movie that I have never seen before. That said, there were still one or two frames that were missing from this European cut that are present in the US one. But I think they were a 'slip' anyway :)

Link

Tiny Explosions - Hitch up the missiles and go for a ride, but don't forget to pick up the mess.

Just had to. How did I miss this????

Point Break - I am an EFF-BEE-EYE agent!

Cheesy dialogue, Homo-Erotica, Bad Ass Action, Crazy Mofo Story. Say what you want, this movie is a classic and should be revisited often. They don't make 'em like this anymore but they goddamn should do. Respect to the Fan Trailer below as it makes it look like it was made yesterday.

The Outsider - I've had the time of my life

I'm not here to discuss the talent of Patrick Swayze. I'm sure he had it, I'm sure he showed it. It's just that I had a conversation today with someone who appeared to be his biggest fan and insisted that his films were amazing. All I could come up with in reply was the following :-

'So you have listed four films. One of which is Rubbish. One of which is no better than Mamma Mia! or Sex And The City in it's "Not really interested in the movies but I follow the Bear" Audience. One of which is quite good except, ironically, for it's most famous Scene and one of which is genuinely good but not mind blowingly genre defining and still attracts a female audience for all the wrong reasons'

All of that and that and I didn't even bite at the 'Over rated' comment about Donnie Darko. Or even bring up the Homoerotic Youngblood (check out the DVD cover--------Wooooooahhh!!!!!) You can guess what the others are yourself.

Still, my fondest memory of old Patrick will be when my mum went to watch Point Break at the flix as she was a 'Huge' fan (oooh because of Dirty Dancing no doubt :)). Yep, well she spent the whole film thinking Keanu Reeves was him. I rest my case.

RIP Patrick

Mamma Mia - !<$£ Off

I watch a lot of $hit movies but I chuffing hate ABBA songs so I ain't never gonna watch this.

Dead Snow - The greatest Norwegian Horror movie I have ever seen

Nazis. Zombies. Blood. Snow. When you see those list of ingredients then you know that it wont have to try too hard to win me over. Comedy Horror is a pretty hard genre to nail, but these guys have done it. All the good stuff that made Severance and Dog Soldiers a joy to watch and none of The Cottage which just wasn't.

102 Minutes that changed America

I would imagine that in this everyone has a camera on them world we live in that more world changing events could be put together like this. A really gripping and intense viewing experience that's still hard to believe that it really happened. At times it looks like a movie. Watch and remember.

Banlieue 13 - How we would love to build a wall around france

I read a review that said this wasn't a Luc Besson film and that he tends to tag his name to a lot of movies nowdays to give them some clout. What a dick. I mean this is no 'From the Producers of Alien' or 'From the Director of The Matrix second cousin'. Nope People, he wrote this hence the Besson attachment and the Besson influence.

Of course this tells you what to expect in terms of script and style, and so you know what's in the box is what's on the box. Yep. Groovy fights, tight editing, colourful characters and crazy stuntage. This time using the age old setting of a prison state. Nice work!

Awake - But only just

I was worried about how suspenseful and scary a film could be when the basic premise is about a bloke waking up during an operation. I suppose it could work but it might require some acting on the leads part. So who did they pick for this momentous task..........Hayden Christensen. He dusted off his bratish teenager attitude form Attack Of The Clones (which I thought he did well) and showed us that that's pretty much ....him. I cant explain how bad he is in this part so I will just say Mark Wahlberg in The Happening.

So then, to the film. It's an interesting if slightly far fetched thriller, which does have a bit of a twist in the middle that I didn't see coming. Actually the script is pretty good and if it wasn't for HC mind screaming on the slab then it might have worked.

Poltergeist - I was Here!!!

Steven Spielbergs Horror movie. He wrote it, he edited it and he probably directed it. Who knows for sure. One thing is it has the trade mark touches of the Berg. Great American Suburbs, Kids that can act, Geeky Dads and Scares for all. Apparently directed by Tobe Hooper but this is so far removed from TCM it's not funny (even though it is). Might have been gutted if I turned up to watch this on release expecting more hack and slash.

Scared me as a kid and still worth a watch every now and again (every 10 years or so) even if it doesn't quite live up to a Horror or a Spielberg winner. Could probably find a niche market in Primary schools to introduce kids to the wonder of Horror cinema???.

Torchwood - You got to go there to come back

I have watched the first two seasons of Torchwood before. I'm not sure how much I liked them but I'm pretty sure I thought it was getting good at the end of Season 2. So why did I feel the need to revisit season 1, well for the same reason I will be watching Season 6 of Smallville - I'm a bargain hunting HD whore.

Anyway, I'm two episodes in and what have I learned. Well It's British. I always hope for a British TV (mainly scifi) show to be as good as some of our American imports. They never are of course but then I suppose I have to understand that they can't be as they are UK not US. I suppose if I was American then I might pick the same holes in USTV as I do in my own. So what are these holes.................

Well, there's that fact that this is Dr Who for adults (allegedly), Who after dark I suppose. What does that mean? Well it means a copper can say the word 'Fuck' after about 3 mins for a start. In a Welsh accent as we are based in Cardiff. In fact everybody seems to be TOO Welsh at times. So much so that I don't think half the actors are Welsh themselves. Which would make sense as the last time I went to Cardiff it seemed quite a cultural city.

So, apart from swearing and Welshness what else can they do. They can do Sex of course. And, Well it is Russell T Davies so that means we get the 1 in 4 as well. I'm only 2 episodes in and we've had some girl on girl, mano mano and even a Gay sperm donation. He's so predictable.

Anyway the obligatory new girl takes someones place first episode and a bit too much like 'Species' second episode and I think I've got 11 to go. Lets hope season 2 gets reduced in price soon.

50 First Dates - They would never go as well as this

Adam Sandler. Comedian, Musician, Performer, Romantic, Idiot. I'm pretty sure he mostly plays himself in his films, but why change when you can be this funny. Now Romcom is not a genre that I sit that comfortably with. The Ex is an example of the average category that these films usually fall into. But when you get something like The Heartbreak Kid, The Wedding Singer and this to fit that bill, I'm with it all the way. The difference being is that I don't want to watch some sappy shit for girls unless I get some crazy ass comedy shit going on to. Thank god for the Sandler, Barrymore, Schnieder show.

A truly moving story hiding under that adolescent humour showing either mans pursuit of his dream girl or mans pursuit for something he cant have. You do the math.

The Happening - Yep I watched it again

I had to. I kept seeing bits of it on Sky Premier so I sat down and watched the whole movie again. Well maybe about half of it. You see it has some truly great moments, it really does. But it is still very very very poor. It didn't have to be though and it's not just Wahlbergs fault. There has to be more people that have to own up. Yeah, filming some wind blowing through trees is unlikely to be scary but then it could and should at least build tension for a moment and not make you laugh your ass off. Take a few tips from The Omen M.Knight (see previous) you wasted what could have worked. We await Air Bender with anticipation but for all the wrong reasons.